I deleted couple big movie files today from my laptop and then I did defragment it. My laptop is really slow and I don't know who I should ask to come to check it. I even hijacked it. But you know, I am not so smart to do something useful with the information I got. Mnjah... I need my laptop for school works and it really sucks that it works so slowly. Can't you help me?
You know, I managed to make today 2 other preliminamy exsams and by my feelings they went really well. I have been one lucky fish anyway because God has been with me. My anatomy exam what was really hard went just so well beyond reason. I never guess I can get "A" in it. I am very gratefull to God He gave me piece in my heart and kept me cool. And all other exams as well... If I would not believe God I could say that it has been just good luck. All those questions on exams and tests what I had no time to study He has been with me and gave me memory to remember things what I have heard during lectures. Me and memory... I am sure you know it ;o) 3 secs and thats all. So I am really grateful He has been with me during the time what has been really hard for me and what seems to get more harder.
Ja... It is really hard already now. I just afraid of time what future brings to me. And yes, I know how hard it will be for me. I see it clearly but you know, seeing it doesn't make it easier. I am so close to give up. I am just clinged into Gods shirt and trying to not let it free. If I can do that I am saved but can I? Ah, of course I can. Life is going on and I am getting older here or there it doesn't matter. I just wish all that hard time would be behind already. I miss summer. I don't have to think on studies then.
You know what I did! I couldn't say "No!" again and took a quite big respnsible on my shoulder. I promised to translate 23 pages small and dense typings from English into Estonia. I need to be ready in 3 months ;o( It is just half side of page per day! But I have barely time for breathing. And my duch course is growing over my head as well. But I have just no time.
I am busy to hold my heart. I am busy with holding it and waiting the smashing hit on it. I know it is coming. I got told so. So I am busy with holding and watching my heart how it beats its last beatings... Do you feel my heart beating... or am I only dreaming... Well... Maybe it all has to go this way. Byt J., you have seen I have had fighted because of that. I never gave up how many times I felt I should. I haven't still gave up. But J., You can see I can't do that alone. Oh J., I really do afraid of the hit what is threatening my heart. Can you help me? Please...
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