Today I got 4 sms. When I started reading those my heart jumped because first one what I read was: "I love you dearly. You are my life, my love and my heart blood. I miss you. I need you. Be good and miss me andremember I love you. I am your frog :)" I was shaking. It could not be true! I read other sms-s and... It could not be true... Those were ones I have got already. My phone operator resend all messages I had in my phone. The message was from 1st July 2006. Really bad joke... It just rip open all my fresh wounds again. I want delete everything. I want to die. Just die.. do not excist. There are so many things around me what don't let me forget. Why?
I feel so pathetic :( What should I do? I don't know... Would help me a box where I cather everything what remainds me him? Would it? All my past in a box... Oh dear heaven, let I have diabetes that I could fall in coma and die! There is anyway noone who loves me...
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
During a day...
Morning didn't start very well. Going over to the summertime have drained out everyone. It was hard to get up from the bed. And my son decided to catch some virus as well. He had body temperature 38.8 by Celcius. Well... he had possibility to stay at home. But I had to get up to dress amd rum at work.
Wow! At work! During workingdays! Lots of people around me I haven't seen so long already! Fro this aspect the studies haven't been so good. I have missed my workmates. I have to be today here just 12 hours but it will be the best hours. I should be at school but there were some boring lessons today where from I can allow myself to miss. Lovely. I could hug everyone. So good to see them. Weekends are boring. Almost alwasys I am alone with just a nurse. Seems they have missed me as well because I got possibility to practice mesuring blood pressure.
I asked Age to measure my blood suggar. She cut through my finger arter! Or it seemed she did... She ticked me with the needle and clenched my finger to press a drop of blood on the measurer and... jee, my blood just squirt out so all table and wall was full of quite big blood spots. :P And Age was exaited! She said she had first time when something like that happened. Usually you have to squeese a lot before you get reasonable ammont of blood (it means - a drop) on the measurer. Well, anyway... My bloodsuggar was 6.4 and I wasn't eat till last afternoon and then as well just a little piece of chicken. And couple of weeks I haven't had any sweets or bread (no white nor black). I really mean it... So I am a bit worried about that but... Well, it didn't work when I was running around and telling them I am dying and they have to inject insulin in me! They just shrugged their shoulders and said So what!!!! How careless! :P Ah, alright.. I need to check my blood suggar now more often if I want to prevent diabetes...
Ah, and the news is that they start vote the year nurse and carer. I did ask from my boss where is the box where I should let in my voting papers one by one with my names. Kadi just laughed and told I can't do that because nurses are giving votes for carers. Sweet! Cheating won't go through! Ai-ai-ai!
It remains to me that life is the flower. And THAT reminds me it is really beautiful and sunshiny day and I should ask Maris to come have walk with me. Oh, and she is coming!!
****************
TADV list:
Subject: Youth evening 1st April...
...takes part at Tom ....at 19.00 like usually...
Will see you then... I will take a new book with... You can take with the youth prayer week storys also just in a case...
Kärt
Subject: Re: Youth evening 1st April...
Are you sure still it takes part at Tom? Or is it like that we all are going at Tom and there is a note on the door: APRIL! We get together at Mervi actually :)
Kind April to everyone... and smile more.
Karin
Subject: Re: Re: Youth evening 1st April...
Don't worry Karin, Kärt has no sense of humour.
Tom
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Youth evening 1st April...
Kärt doesn't have to have any. It is enugh you have, Tom.
So are we going to have barbecue?
Heleri
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Youth evening 1st April...
No barbecue today.
There will be party instyle of Wild West.
Dresscode - jeans, chequered flannel shirt, hat.
Take with - your own chewing tobacco.
Ticket on the door - 2 dollars per face, well-behaved girls will get it for half.
Planned - dance in line a la chicken
Tom
********************
Great... Where do I get schequered shirt?...
Oh I got one! :D I will dress up and then I go to have walk with Maris.!
Wow!! It is so late... I have farmacology's test tomorrow... But the night and whole day was just wonerful today ;o) Just couple sad moments but ... I want to go on ;o)
Youth evening was great as well. I had possibility to say what I do think about the youth in church and outside of the church and hopefully it will change a bit now. We decided to get together sometimes just for chat also. To get to know eachother better without trying always make those times so ecclesiastic ;o)
I need to buy vodka. Jakob has still high teperature. I haven't got it down. Maybe I should wrap him in a sheet what is moistured with vodka??? ;P
Wow! At work! During workingdays! Lots of people around me I haven't seen so long already! Fro this aspect the studies haven't been so good. I have missed my workmates. I have to be today here just 12 hours but it will be the best hours. I should be at school but there were some boring lessons today where from I can allow myself to miss. Lovely. I could hug everyone. So good to see them. Weekends are boring. Almost alwasys I am alone with just a nurse. Seems they have missed me as well because I got possibility to practice mesuring blood pressure.
I asked Age to measure my blood suggar. She cut through my finger arter! Or it seemed she did... She ticked me with the needle and clenched my finger to press a drop of blood on the measurer and... jee, my blood just squirt out so all table and wall was full of quite big blood spots. :P And Age was exaited! She said she had first time when something like that happened. Usually you have to squeese a lot before you get reasonable ammont of blood (it means - a drop) on the measurer. Well, anyway... My bloodsuggar was 6.4 and I wasn't eat till last afternoon and then as well just a little piece of chicken. And couple of weeks I haven't had any sweets or bread (no white nor black). I really mean it... So I am a bit worried about that but... Well, it didn't work when I was running around and telling them I am dying and they have to inject insulin in me! They just shrugged their shoulders and said So what!!!! How careless! :P Ah, alright.. I need to check my blood suggar now more often if I want to prevent diabetes...
Ah, and the news is that they start vote the year nurse and carer. I did ask from my boss where is the box where I should let in my voting papers one by one with my names. Kadi just laughed and told I can't do that because nurses are giving votes for carers. Sweet! Cheating won't go through! Ai-ai-ai!
It remains to me that life is the flower. And THAT reminds me it is really beautiful and sunshiny day and I should ask Maris to come have walk with me. Oh, and she is coming!!
****************
TADV list:
Subject: Youth evening 1st April...
...takes part at Tom ....at 19.00 like usually...
Will see you then... I will take a new book with... You can take with the youth prayer week storys also just in a case...
Kärt
Subject: Re: Youth evening 1st April...
Are you sure still it takes part at Tom? Or is it like that we all are going at Tom and there is a note on the door: APRIL! We get together at Mervi actually :)
Kind April to everyone... and smile more.
Karin
Subject: Re: Re: Youth evening 1st April...
Don't worry Karin, Kärt has no sense of humour.
Tom
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Youth evening 1st April...
Kärt doesn't have to have any. It is enugh you have, Tom.
So are we going to have barbecue?
Heleri
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Youth evening 1st April...
No barbecue today.
There will be party instyle of Wild West.
Dresscode - jeans, chequered flannel shirt, hat.
Take with - your own chewing tobacco.
Ticket on the door - 2 dollars per face, well-behaved girls will get it for half.
Planned - dance in line a la chicken
Tom
********************
Great... Where do I get schequered shirt?...
Oh I got one! :D I will dress up and then I go to have walk with Maris.!
Wow!! It is so late... I have farmacology's test tomorrow... But the night and whole day was just wonerful today ;o) Just couple sad moments but ... I want to go on ;o)
Youth evening was great as well. I had possibility to say what I do think about the youth in church and outside of the church and hopefully it will change a bit now. We decided to get together sometimes just for chat also. To get to know eachother better without trying always make those times so ecclesiastic ;o)
I need to buy vodka. Jakob has still high teperature. I haven't got it down. Maybe I should wrap him in a sheet what is moistured with vodka??? ;P
Monday, March 31, 2008
On the weels again
There has passed just a week and I was back into car again. It was wonderful day for speeding. Spring is coming. May heart will trick with me still a bit but mostly I am laughing again. I know it is just a part of my defencive at moment but still... It is good to laugh even your heart is in tears. Roads are dry and clean. Not much cars were on the road. I enjoyed every minute there. A bit sas was to think that I refused go with guys couple weeks ago when they went just to have fire my the Peipsi lake somewhere. The icepath is probably melted already. Pfft. Nah, the boys know so well how to have good time. Why I refuse then every time to spend that together them? Next time! Next time... hmm... next time will be when I ask Allan to change my tyres for summer tyres. Good he told me I can ask him any time to do that. I need to call to him and make sure he and Markus have time for me and maybe even more we could do something they usually do together. It would be fun. I am amazed how easily they take everything.
Naahh... I am grazy. How could I step up in so young men gang? Are they now 20 or a bit more? What will I do with them? Yah, how they do take everything so easy :p I am already worring how do I can spend time with them till I am so old! That's the place for good laugh. If they think I am cool enough to ask me to join with them then why should I worry? Alright, I won't. I just need some better clothes for that... like jeans and sportshoes... Oh, and bicycle! Seems that I won't eat next month also :D I will get it to myself!!
Naahh... I am grazy. How could I step up in so young men gang? Are they now 20 or a bit more? What will I do with them? Yah, how they do take everything so easy :p I am already worring how do I can spend time with them till I am so old! That's the place for good laugh. If they think I am cool enough to ask me to join with them then why should I worry? Alright, I won't. I just need some better clothes for that... like jeans and sportshoes... Oh, and bicycle! Seems that I won't eat next month also :D I will get it to myself!!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Just a chocolate
Nurse: Do you need something?
A man with a dropper (MWD): No-no! My neighbour wants to see her. He points at me.
Nurse: Her?
MWD: Yes, something happened there?
me: Really? What happened?
MWD: You have to go there. He smiles.
me: Alright. I smile back. He is tall man. I perceive he was a big man before they told him he has a cancer. His big nose is red and full of purple vessels. It is from chemicals what the dropper slowly leads into his body. He simles. Always. I like him a lot.
MDW: Blatts maybe... He shrugs. His eyes are blinking and I see some light there. My heart goes cold and I start worry. I stop my work in a room of procedures and turn around to go in room 8. I step into my room to get some rubber gloves.
MDW: No-no. You don't need anything. He smiles.
Me: Really? I do smile back again when I take still pair of gloves into my pocket and holding other pair on my hand. I afraid his neighbour a bit. He is serios high and skinny man who never smiles. I afraid he even don't like me. I eneter into the rroom and stop in front of his bed.
me: Hi, how can I help? He just glares at me. Did I do something wrong? What could it be.. Dear heaven, stop glaring at me and say something! He doesn't. He opens just a drawer and takes from there a small plastic bag with something wrapped into a newspaper... What's now? He wants me unwrap his book? Alright. I can do that. He gives it to me.
Neighbour of MWD: For you. He sets his head back on his pillow. Huh?!
me: Thank you. Thank you very much! I watch at MWD. Dear man! Why did you scare me like taht? He smiles. I laugh.
Dear heaven! And I thought he hates me. He has never smiled at me. He has never told me any friendly word. But something I did made him feel he wants to thank me. I am happy. Oh, not because of chocklat what was in the bag. I am happy that something I did made him feel good. It is the heartfelt something why I love my job. I don't need gifts. It's enough when you got a smile or hug or wishper what asks me to come visit him/her after they are leaving from clinic. It is that great feeling you get from knowing someone felt better or happier because you had time for him/her.
A man with a dropper (MWD): No-no! My neighbour wants to see her. He points at me.
Nurse: Her?
MWD: Yes, something happened there?
me: Really? What happened?
MWD: You have to go there. He smiles.
me: Alright. I smile back. He is tall man. I perceive he was a big man before they told him he has a cancer. His big nose is red and full of purple vessels. It is from chemicals what the dropper slowly leads into his body. He simles. Always. I like him a lot.
MDW: Blatts maybe... He shrugs. His eyes are blinking and I see some light there. My heart goes cold and I start worry. I stop my work in a room of procedures and turn around to go in room 8. I step into my room to get some rubber gloves.
MDW: No-no. You don't need anything. He smiles.
Me: Really? I do smile back again when I take still pair of gloves into my pocket and holding other pair on my hand. I afraid his neighbour a bit. He is serios high and skinny man who never smiles. I afraid he even don't like me. I eneter into the rroom and stop in front of his bed.
me: Hi, how can I help? He just glares at me. Did I do something wrong? What could it be.. Dear heaven, stop glaring at me and say something! He doesn't. He opens just a drawer and takes from there a small plastic bag with something wrapped into a newspaper... What's now? He wants me unwrap his book? Alright. I can do that. He gives it to me.
Neighbour of MWD: For you. He sets his head back on his pillow. Huh?!
me: Thank you. Thank you very much! I watch at MWD. Dear man! Why did you scare me like taht? He smiles. I laugh.
Dear heaven! And I thought he hates me. He has never smiled at me. He has never told me any friendly word. But something I did made him feel he wants to thank me. I am happy. Oh, not because of chocklat what was in the bag. I am happy that something I did made him feel good. It is the heartfelt something why I love my job. I don't need gifts. It's enough when you got a smile or hug or wishper what asks me to come visit him/her after they are leaving from clinic. It is that great feeling you get from knowing someone felt better or happier because you had time for him/her.
The end of Youth prayer week 2008
It's over. We had presentation on Satturday evening and it was really good. I will tell you what happened there... Soon. ;o) It is my favorite word already. Always soon...
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