Excuse for to be happy

I was reading a book yesterday. It was C.S.Lewis' book with name I can't remember just now. Something like "Simple Christianity" or "Just Christianity" . . . Ah! I had to go to check. It was "Mere Christianity" and I found from first couple page already a really deep thought what touched me.

It is true that we do things what are . . . let's say tehy look normal. Little things what are so natural for us but what we are still excusing later. We are angry at our husbands or kids because we had just hard day, we postpone things we had to do long time ago because we had just so busy period lately, our behavior with our sisters and brothers is exactly like it is because you know yourself how irritating they can be!

We have always excuses for justifying our actings. Why do we excuse them if they are so righteous? ;o) Probably because we actually know what we are doing is not right at all. But it was the thing what I wanted to write at all. I just wanted to point out that we are doing excuses only for negative things. We never try excuse things what make us happy. (So to do right we should be happy all the time!) And thats all what I want to say - find the moments in your days what have made you happy and try to keep them in your mind. Hold your mind clear and positive ;o)

Marriage untill death - pink dream?

Other thing what we were talking with Margo was marriage.

I know that marriage is not holy nowdays anymore. Tendency is to have commitmentfree relationship. I come and go when I wish and I have no duties in front of my livingmate. Trial marriages. We move together to see are we for eachother or not.

I don’t understand it. Is the society causing it? Or are the people so convient that they don’t care abaut building up good and wellgoing marriage. Beside that they are just trying different partners with hope to find someone who fits to them withouth they should change theirselves to fit better into the marriage? It makes me think that I am not so pinkminded at all as they are ;o)

Everything is so wrong nowdays. And yes, it is wrong. Kids should not have sex. Youth should not have sex. Adults should not have sex. Noone should have sex without marriage. I was watching today 7th Heaven - a TV serial. The pastor was saying a young guy Robbie (who had almost to marry with a girl who he didn't love because of she was pregnant from him) that he should not sleep with every girl and that it would keep away the problems like unexpected babies and women with who he doesn't want to marry. And you know, I am 100 per cent agree with that. You have to be ready for sex and for consequenses after sex. If you are not ready for babies and marriage then just don't do that. I can understand that young men like Margo (and often alson not so young men anymore also) are thinking just with their groins. Because it is so good to have only amenities - moeny, power, sex - and that all without any duties or responsibilities.

But let the people live in their pink worlds. I do live in mine. And I have made lots of mistakes there. So I have had time to think on them and learn from them as well. Margo said: "How can you be so sure on the man in your life. They are coming and going. Do not dream." But I do dream. I know one, if I believe in something and if I am moving to my dream it will come true. And also I know that there is needed two person for marriage. Also both of of them have to want the marriage will work out.

Let's see what are saying some marriage vows:

1. I, Romeo, take you Julia, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

2. I, Romeo, take you, Julia, to be my lawfully wedded wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

3. I Romeo, take you Julia, to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

In the presence of God and these our friends I take thee to be my wife, promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband so long as we both shall live.

4. I, Romeo, take you, Julia, to be my friend, my lover, the mother of my children and my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity.

5. I, Romeo, choose you Julia to be my wife, to respect you in your successes and in your failures, to care for you in sickness and in health, to nurture you, and to grow with you throughout the seasons of life.


6. I, Romeo, take you, Julia, to be my partner, loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know. I eagerly anticipate the chance to grow together, getting to know the woman you will become, and falling in love a little more every day. I promise to love and cherish you through whatever life may bring us.


WOW! Beautilful! And what most important, all those vows are promises about live together in good and bad times until death separates them. None of them are saying that "I promise to live with you till we see we are not suitable for eachother."

Nowdays people are not thinking about what means living together. They just move in and then will see how it everything works out. Or actually will stay till there is no sexual passion anymore and then moves apart again. Usually are they also complaining how bad person was exlifemate and how many bad habbits he/she had. And they are coplaining that all without thinking that they didn't give theirselves anything that the marriage would work out.

Marriage is partnership. And it means that it needs work. As said our beloved writter Anton Hansen Tammsaare: "Tee tööd, siis tuleb ka armastus." ("Make your work and then will come love also.") Love is not only sexual passion between couples. It is also friendship and partnership. It means that you are able to forgive and you to appologise. It means that you are sharing your happy moments as well as your sorrow. It means that sometimes you are ready to go into a chinema to watch some lovestory what your wife wishes to see and you are going to do that even you think it is wast ot time. Or that wife is ready to go watch football game together his supose althought she actually don't care about it. It means also that husband will take his wife out for dinner sometimes. And sometimes is wife waitig for man at home with candles and different food as usually to make him feel very special. That husbend will understand that sometimes his wife just needs cuddling and no sex. And that wife should understand that sometimes has her husbend also hedache. Also should the couple go on some course together to have a same hobby to tie them. And deffinatelly should a husband try to NOT SELL his old car to her wife!

One very important thing in marriage is also knowing that God will help in any sittuation. Even if you don't see any way out from hard times is God still there and waits for you to ask His help. Marriage between a woman and a man is one thing what makes God happy. And He wants to help that the marriage would succseed. I thank you, God, that you have gave me such a man as it is Derek. I know that with Your help we can have marriage what will make happy you and also both of us. Thank you for being with us. And thank you too, my sweet man that you have stayed with me during those hard and very hard times we have had. I am the most happier woman on this side of earth untill you are with me. And I am sure we have lots of years to go together if God lets us. Love you very much.

What is worth a life?

I am disturbed after talk with Margo. I knew that people can be cynical but I hoped still on my pink way that there are some love in them. I don’t want to generalise. I am sure there are enough people who are not seeing things in so desperate way as he was doing. A view as everything what you are doing has to have monetary value for you. That everything you do has to bring money into your wallet. Or that men are coming and going in your life and you can’t do anything becayse IT IS LIFE! Oh please!

IT IS NOT LIFE. Life is exactly that kind of as you will live it. If you don’t expect anything else from it and are doing everything from yourself that it would bring only money in and that your lifemates are coming and going then yes, it will be like that.


Probably is my view on the world much more pinker than is his. You know, I am even proud of that. I am 30 and I have had lots of dissapointments in my life and lots of mistakes. But all that haven’t changed my pink views. I still believe there is kindness and everlasting love and I still would like to share my money all away between different persons. If I would win with lottery I would give some money for my mom that she could pay back all her debts and could buy a new car for herself, I would help my sister to renovate her house, I would put it in some fund what would help to build and manage a school for our church, etc. Of course I won’t win. Only because I am not playing lottery ;o) But it is not important. Important is that I know I would do that without regreting. I would share even Derek's money away if he would give it to me. Quite probable that he never gives any to me ;p But I do remeber he promised to set in a charity jar where we can gather some money for sharing it later for poor people. It is good idea but it doesnt satisfy me. I want that there would be some way to help people who has no homes or food or some other thing what it is needed for cover the basic needs of lives. And help them so that it will change their lives and they can manage theirselves on human way.

I hate thinkings „Why do you want to take ppl away from the street if they want to be there.“ Oh heaven sake! Who said that they want to be there? Yes, they have lived there some time already. Yes they have used with that because they have had no other way. Yes, they may not want to take help what someone is offering to them (maybe because of proud, maybe because they afraid, maybe because they have lost hope). But I am asking from you, dear – What would you do when life brings you on the street? Would you be happy with that kind of life? Would you want to stay there and never get back a life worthy of human being?


I dont expect that ther would be much ppl who would care about others. But I know there is some of who do. And that little part of humanity is the part I want to belong. God bless those people and God bless those who are not belonging there.

Fight

You are the biggest enemy of yourself. And the hardest one. Esoecially when you feel that you have been an emotional victim because of some close person of you. Everyone knows that fellowmen can hurt you the most and it is really difficult to forgive. The victim has been you! So forgiving will be really big victory. Victory what only you do understand and value. Noone else will understand it.

As you do for your friend, your friend will do for you. Common knowledge. So if you hurt someone or betray his/her trust you can't wait your friend will smile at you and just forgives. It is not human nature. But now . . . what should do now real christian? Even thinking on that stabs painfully in my heart. As a christian, I should not think on myself but on others. And it is still so hard. Even if I think that everything you do you do for God. But God would not hurt me or betray my trust!!!

Umbrage - is it a sin?

Human feelins are so hard to understand. Sometimes when you don't understand them you used to say even that they "are funny". But funny are they only because you don't understand them. Let's take a feeling like umbrage. It is negative feeling. Easy one. And it can come just from some misunderstanding. You just understood wrong what other person said and when it is not going as you expected then you get upset. And even if everyone is watching you in your umbrage and say it is so silly, you have still quite big feelings behind it. It is like mixture of pain and embarassment. Explained with other feelings . . . Like a sweet pain in your chest and you can't rid off it. Yeah, you can't. Not easily.

You do understand that it was just stupid misunderstanding. You are saying to yourself that you have expected something what was not there. That other person even didn't say anything what would let you expect what you were expecting! But you still expected . . . Whose fault is that? Of course yours. Althought that other person has always done it were your expectations exeggerated. We start too easily wait from ppl things what we should not. It should be not usual. We should be happy there are ppl around us who do things for us. Every single time with every single thing!

So you expected something. It didn't happen. You took umbrage. Later you thought on it and understood you made a mistake. So, with that you should get over of any feeling what remainds umbrage! But will you? Of course not. You start justify you being upset. "You had to right to think that the person is doing that because it has always went like that. The peron has always done it!" Pftt!

So hard are feelings of human. You have to fight with them becaus they try to barry you. You know inside that your feelings are not right but you are still feeling it. You push down the knowing that it is not right and let your selfjustification to grow. You felt bad and you have right to feel like you want. The little detail that your feeling were based on wrong expectations we just don't remaind anymore. How often we hear that "you have to think on yourself"? Easier would be to think on yourslef indeed and pout some time but isn't it waste of your time? And time of this person?

My consience is dark. Althought I have laid out everything here and things are much clearer for me now I still have a thorn in my heart. So hard is to fight with human nature. The branches have growed inside and it is so hard to strech them outside now. The Sun touches are so painful althought you know it makes only good. We should listen more often our consience - God's voice inside us.