Debrekas

I was standing in front of a mirror today and said hi to myself. Yeah... Hi you there. The Monstrosity. Ugly, old and alone. Some mirakle then noone loves me. And I can sit and dream how much I wish about my beloved man cuddling and holding me when we are watching out from window how the winter rain makes its job. Yeah... I am missing some warmth words from someone who really cares about me but I will never get it. It is like revenge that I have had so envy with those same words. Real monstrosity. The Monstrosity who has stayed up already for 42 hours. Probably it has made me more sensitive. More receptive for feelings what have caught me.

Well... at least there is everything alrite with my studies. Maybe some problems with duch course but it comes only because I joined witht the group so late and I have to make back all the monthses they have studied it already. But! What els I have to do than study? To think on that how ugly and unloved and alone I am? Yeah, as we can see I have even time for that.

It is just so hard to accept the knowledge that all good things will pass and some of them never return. If I could just open my chest and throw awa my silly heart to feel nothing for changes. On the moments like that I would like to ask "Why, God? Why?" But I never will do that.