Umbrage - is it a sin?

Human feelins are so hard to understand. Sometimes when you don't understand them you used to say even that they "are funny". But funny are they only because you don't understand them. Let's take a feeling like umbrage. It is negative feeling. Easy one. And it can come just from some misunderstanding. You just understood wrong what other person said and when it is not going as you expected then you get upset. And even if everyone is watching you in your umbrage and say it is so silly, you have still quite big feelings behind it. It is like mixture of pain and embarassment. Explained with other feelings . . . Like a sweet pain in your chest and you can't rid off it. Yeah, you can't. Not easily.

You do understand that it was just stupid misunderstanding. You are saying to yourself that you have expected something what was not there. That other person even didn't say anything what would let you expect what you were expecting! But you still expected . . . Whose fault is that? Of course yours. Althought that other person has always done it were your expectations exeggerated. We start too easily wait from ppl things what we should not. It should be not usual. We should be happy there are ppl around us who do things for us. Every single time with every single thing!

So you expected something. It didn't happen. You took umbrage. Later you thought on it and understood you made a mistake. So, with that you should get over of any feeling what remainds umbrage! But will you? Of course not. You start justify you being upset. "You had to right to think that the person is doing that because it has always went like that. The peron has always done it!" Pftt!

So hard are feelings of human. You have to fight with them becaus they try to barry you. You know inside that your feelings are not right but you are still feeling it. You push down the knowing that it is not right and let your selfjustification to grow. You felt bad and you have right to feel like you want. The little detail that your feeling were based on wrong expectations we just don't remaind anymore. How often we hear that "you have to think on yourself"? Easier would be to think on yourslef indeed and pout some time but isn't it waste of your time? And time of this person?

My consience is dark. Althought I have laid out everything here and things are much clearer for me now I still have a thorn in my heart. So hard is to fight with human nature. The branches have growed inside and it is so hard to strech them outside now. The Sun touches are so painful althought you know it makes only good. We should listen more often our consience - God's voice inside us.