Siga tige

My day sucks and I feel not OK. I am angry on myself that I have spoiled my day what started so happily. How could I put myself in a situation what had to finally go as it went? Jee. How stupid things can a person to do?

All started from that I wanted to go at my sister's place. Not that it would be bad. No, it is not. Just the day was wrong. I should not go there on Sabbath. And I should not go there without food I can eat either. I knew it all but I still went there. Pfftt! And if I wanted to be back for evening then I should know that it wont happen anyway. I am sad that I am so thoughtless.

I was sitting there and when it was nice and sunny day was my uncle chopping logs. I thought I should go to help him and went to set logs into woodpile. I made even Jakob to do that. And suddenly I did relize that it was Sabbath. So I was standing there logs in my hands and didn't know what to do. Till I was doubting there I still set them into the pile. I went back inside. Then they decided to start have bbq. Pfftt! I was hungry and so was Jakob. And what they did grill there then?! Ofc porkmeat and sausages. I turned around and said to Jakob we are leaving and we caught a buss back to Tartu. I did pay for bus ticket and I already knew it was Sabbath but I wanted back home. Now all what I have to do is that I live with my bad feelings what I got only because of me. I did spoil my wonderful day.

Hi La Padda of mine,

It is nice Sabbath today. Weather is sunny but not so hot because wind is cooling heating down. It is just good walking weather for try to see beauty in surrounding enviroment what the Lord has put in it. But you are not here so I am not going to have that walk. I am that kind of person who wants to share what she notices or feels when it is there. It's why noone can find me alone from some exhibitation as well.

Anyway, my morning started alright. Mom stayed overnight and you know, she was not weeping once this morning!! Just great day! She brought us at Jakob's school and after we got his certification he has finished his class we walked back to the church. We managed to get there for lessons. Afterward I called to my mom beacause I thought she is still at home. She had to go at Hanna's place because Annaliis has today party. She is fiinishing her kindergarden. Next autumn she is already a schoolgirl. I thought I can't go with her but I had time enough for that. But she left ealier than she told me so she was already on the road. Aunty Asti called later and said that mom was called to her and she was in Tartu but that it takes about hour and half from her to get ready to leave. So seems I am going with her when she is contacting with me again. And that hour and half gave me possibility to stay in the church to listen a preacher. Marge called and was there also at ten so I think it went all alright because I didn't have to leave her alone there.

Oh and guess who was preaching today! Toomas of course! He was talking about tricks and mirakles and how they are apearing in our lives and how we should react on them. We have our own David Coperfield in Estonia, you know. He is called as a "trikimees" (trickman) and Toomas was telling how he watche the show and tried to guess how he is doing those tricks. And that he noticed how the ppl there were all amazed and some of them even believed that he is so powerful she can make things to disapear and then apear again. And then he was talking about Moses and how he and his brother went to the pharaoh and made what God asked to do do (throwed sheppard stick on the ground and how it became as a snake and how pharaoh trickmen did the same; and then the bloodriver thing too). Point of it was that we should see the real mirakles among the tricks AND that we should not live only from mirakle to mirakle but that serving God should be our everydaylife and mirakles we see should just confirm our belief. And end of the preach he read couple verses from Isaiah 40. All the chapter is very good so I don't quote it here. I really dont know why she was talking about it (I had phonecall and I was out in hall during the explanation time) but the chapter touched something in me.

Anyway, the day have been good till now. I am sitting at home an waiting the phone call from my aunt. I will see you later (I don't know when) but I will ;o) Love you and miss really a lot. I do hope your day there in COLD Africa is the same good as mine here ;o)

With best wishes,
Your Princess.

NINETEEN!!!!!

Yep!! Nineteen points for verbal part of exam! I am genius!!



Pftt! Ofc it is to early to be happy for it because it was just 1/5 from whole exam and I am sure that they don't let foolish theirselves with written part. There is everything black-and-white on the paper. 5 by 20 points for every part . . .

Every point is better than nothing . . .

I know there have popped up question why am I writting in english now. Well, why not? I can wrote in estonian so it means I need practise language what I don't know so well, right? Just wait when I start write in russian or french! Ha, I can even start to do it in duch!! One day I mean. When I start study them all.

My mother language is estonian. I know it about 95 %. So if I am not perfect in my own mother language then noone can expect I would be perfect in english either, right? I can't have 100 % in english if I do not have it in estonian. Whoohooo! It means that even 90 % would be just perfect for me! And I don't need to be perfect. So lets lower per cents more. 75 Would be great! But even 60 would be good. Well, actually every point over 21 would be great! ;D

So I am the special one

Yeah, it's me. The special one for everybody. And especially special for my man. With all my special body shapes (what I want to change of course on my own special way), with my special voice tone, with my special way to look and walk, with my special way to talk in my special moods, and no moods. My special doings on my own special way. Everything in me is so deeply special that we can even say I am the specialest!

Jee. Is it really all waht do I have to say about me being the special one? Well, I really can't argue against fact that I am special. But of course I could argue about why I am special for others. Althought do I have right to say at all about how special I am for others?

So what means that being so special then? It is good question. It is even so good question that I should not even answer on that. You can't be just special. You are special for someone. So when I would start wroting how special I am for someone I should know exactly how special I am for them ;o) Isn't it like that? And how do I know how special I am for someone? RIGHT!! That someone has to tell me that. So I can't say that I am special for Marge or for Bio. I can't even say that I am special for my mom. Or can I? At least I know I am special for my man! Actually I would be really upset if I would not.

Ah, I don't even start convince myself that I am not. I AM! He loves me. With all my special ways I counted up before. I do love him on my special way too. But I am the princess so I can't show it out so clearly! Yep. But I am sure that he will understan my love when I will do once his own special pond behind our house and let him sit in it all day. What is more important then - special words or special acts to show your special love? There is saying that the deeds speak for theirselves. So special deeds will tell how special someone is for me, isn't like that? So no words needed. Let your deeds talk for you!!!!

I am the special one

Yesterday when I was waiting for my beloved one to log on MSN I saw an old friend online. Well, I do see him online a lot actually. Probably there is no time he is not online but he just don't answer. I just typed to him "Moo to you too!" because behind his name was "Moo!". Why did I typed it? Good question. And hard one too. "Why"-questions are the hardest ones. You can't just answer "yes" or "no". They mean that you watch back on your deeds and analyze them. You have to find the reason WHY you did it. And I am usually that special one who DON'T like to do that. Of Course in this place we can ask who like it then!! Well, meybe you can but not me. I know the answer - "My beloved man!" Jee, how he does like it!!!! It's why I do know so well too that "why"-question is so hard. I don't remember those discussions years back for now but they could be similars for this one:

"Why did you do that?"
"I don't know."
"How come you don't know! You did it!"
"Yes I know."
"So you had to have some reason for that. Why did you do that?"
"I don't know. I wanted to."
"You wanted to? But why?? What did it give you?"
"I don't know! Nothing I guess."
"Jee. If it didn't give nothing to you then why did you do that!?"
"Probably because he was there."
"Hmm . . . But was only he there?"
"No. Of course not."
"Why then exactly him?"
"Jee! I DON'T KNOW! He was just there!"
"Well, and those others too. So you had to pick him up on some special reason! Why him? What did you feel during that?"
"Jee, I wrote just "Moo to you back too!" That's all! What special I had to feel for that?? I just was sitting there and WAITING FOR YOU! And guess what! YOU WERE NOT THERE!! So I JUST saw his name out from others and that "Moo!" behind of it and I JUST TYPED "Moo to you back too!" So what?! Am I a criminal now?"
"Why are you upset? I just wated to know why you did it."
GRRRRRRR . . .

Yeah. So why did I do that? Who knows. I am sure there was some feelings included in. Like he meant me more than others who was oline. I were met with him twice and both times we spent together a week I guess. And then the thousands hours we have talked online. In everyday.ee server and TDZK.net server and trough the TDZK itself and trough MSN and via phone and face to face - so yeah, it gives me more reason to feel about him than the other who where online and about who I don't even know why they are on my MSN. Probably also from TDZK time - some alliancemates from who-knows-what-alliance-from. Well, and probably played that part in it that we were talking with Marge about him day before. It was about so:

"What Bio is doing?"
"I don't know. He gives never straight answer."
"Yeah, I know. But I even don't worry about him at the moment because I do know he is talking with you often and it means he is alive :)"

Probably that had part also in that i was sitting there and saying "Moo to you too!". Yeah but not about that I wanted to tell to you but about that that he answered to me today! At 10:51:13 by my PC time. Well of course I didn't want to say about that too but that he told me "Hi special one."

So I am the special one. But about that in the next blog ;)