One crazy weekend is getting over again and Sabbath is almost here. I feel so tired and need really baddly rest. I did oversleep almost two mornings. I had 2 preliminary tests and a slidepresentation this week. I worked 24h on Sunday and was trying to finish an essay for ethic what was on Tuesday. Monday was long day what last from 8 till 16.30 in School and then I ran to city centrum because my dutch course started at 17. When I got home I had to finish my essay for ethic and when I fell into sleep on my coach - TV was on and lamp on wall swiched on so it shined into my eyes but I was sleeping. I got even up on the morning and braught my cellphone from other room because it was making awful noice and got back on the couch to sleep without turing of TV or light. Well... I got still up an hour later got dressed and ran to school. The terrible though in my head was that I had to go at work again on this evening and next day, on Wednesday I had a slideshow to do. So I was at work and prepeared for next day again. On Wednesday eveng I fell to sleep after I finished prepearing for Thusday. It means for today when I had first-aid preliminary test and had to be also test in principles of midwifery but... our lector had to go to funeral of her friend, shame of that.
Tomorrow I'll have just a lecture. It will began at 10 and probably lasts just 2 hours. And then comes Sabbath! Jee... I will rest! ... or not. I forgot totally I have to prepear for children Sabbath school because it is my turn to teach them this and next Sabbath. Plus translation... Ivo called me yesterday and asked me to translate a story for youth prayer's week and since 4 pages is not SO much I thought it would be allright. Well, it will be alright. Just it means I have no rest. And the other translation as well.. I haven't even started it yet. I really wish that the Heavenly Father will put me soon to sleep and wakes me when it is time to go up to Heaven. I am so tired and I really want to stop thinking on my pointles and hopless existing here, on the Earth. Well, maybe there is some point for others but not for me.
Yeah, so it is with humans. Take their hope and their life loses meanings. What is worth a human life here when she has no hope for future? Probably there can pop up some new hopes and probably they will but I really don't wish it at moment. In the same... That something new could come then something old should leave. I am just growed to strongly into the old that the new is not fascinating for me. Yet. But time will heal all wounds. All offences will be forgotten and forgiven till there will come new ones. And you know, J., I still don't understan why my Froggie had to offend me so deeply? Do I have to understand it? Or not? I have forgiven but you know, the hurt is still there. I thought that forgiving will take it away but it didn't happen. And it is only because I don't understand. And Froggy refuses to explain as well. Why, J.? Why the changes?
Never mind. I will survive.
I miss to laugh again. I miss to be happy because someone loves me, you know. And not only someone but someone special who I love. What do you think how many years it takes I can be happy again? 5? 10? Or is it my future to be alone till death of mine? Am I selfish when I wish to be loved? To be not alone? What do you thing J., is there needed to be rich that you could feel you are loved? Or is there money needed to love someone else? Is it love then at all when we can offer it only when we have money or we can love only because of money? I thought it is prostitution... Or am I just an hooker who needs money for love? Yeah... who am I...
Have a great evening.
Your Hooker
PS! I wrote a letter to my Frog but put it into drafts. It was too hard to send it to him...
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