Hi my past :)

There you are - grey and with hurtful facts. YOu know what I still love you :) I love you very much because without you I would be still a lost woman who would have no future or even view of it. I am back here to just watch back and put time to time down memories what made me a confident and contented person. Here I am.

With deepest love,
your Princess

It was really beautiful day. The morning was cold but very bright. Golden fall. The maple tree under my window is gorgeous red. I got out ealier than usual. Just wanted to enjoy that wonderful morning on bicycle. I was biking trough centrum of Tartu. It was not very crowded. My fingers felt painful cold when I was biking trogh park on near the river there. It remainded me the pain leading course last weak when we had to hold icecube in our fist and breath the pain away to get any clue what is childbirth pain. I started automatically breath like a parturient in pain to lead my pain off from my fingers. It worked. But it was probably quit funny for ppl because they turned their heads. That kind of breathing catches attention ideed.

Anyway, morning was nice till I fell with bicycle. It didn't hurt so much me but my bicycle. It works still but is somehow wrong... I have to go to service when I have time. If I will have it at all... I feel now that my left hand is sore and also my right tight. My right elbrow lost skin as well... But I am alive. And that's all what matters. I am very alive and doing emotionally well. Physically I am tired like hell :) And second night in row at work... If I will survive this week then I will survive always. Test tomorrow and prelinary examination tomorrow...

I will survive because I have God watching over me :)

Unbelievable ;o) 2003!

2003!

Outch!

Today I got 4 sms. When I started reading those my heart jumped because first one what I read was: "I love you dearly. You are my life, my love and my heart blood. I miss you. I need you. Be good and miss me andremember I love you. I am your frog :)" I was shaking. It could not be true! I read other sms-s and... It could not be true... Those were ones I have got already. My phone operator resend all messages I had in my phone. The message was from 1st July 2006. Really bad joke... It just rip open all my fresh wounds again. I want delete everything. I want to die. Just die.. do not excist. There are so many things around me what don't let me forget. Why?

I feel so pathetic :( What should I do? I don't know... Would help me a box where I cather everything what remainds me him? Would it? All my past in a box... Oh dear heaven, let I have diabetes that I could fall in coma and die! There is anyway noone who loves me...

During a day...

Morning didn't start very well. Going over to the summertime have drained out everyone. It was hard to get up from the bed. And my son decided to catch some virus as well. He had body temperature 38.8 by Celcius. Well... he had possibility to stay at home. But I had to get up to dress amd rum at work.

Wow! At work! During workingdays! Lots of people around me I haven't seen so long already! Fro this aspect the studies haven't been so good. I have missed my workmates. I have to be today here just 12 hours but it will be the best hours. I should be at school but there were some boring lessons today where from I can allow myself to miss. Lovely. I could hug everyone. So good to see them. Weekends are boring. Almost alwasys I am alone with just a nurse. Seems they have missed me as well because I got possibility to practice mesuring blood pressure.

I asked Age to measure my blood suggar. She cut through my finger arter! Or it seemed she did... She ticked me with the needle and clenched my finger to press a drop of blood on the measurer and... jee, my blood just squirt out so all table and wall was full of quite big blood spots. :P And Age was exaited! She said she had first time when something like that happened. Usually you have to squeese a lot before you get reasonable ammont of blood (it means - a drop) on the measurer. Well, anyway... My bloodsuggar was 6.4 and I wasn't eat till last afternoon and then as well just a little piece of chicken. And couple of weeks I haven't had any sweets or bread (no white nor black). I really mean it... So I am a bit worried about that but... Well, it didn't work when I was running around and telling them I am dying and they have to inject insulin in me! They just shrugged their shoulders and said So what!!!! How careless! :P Ah, alright.. I need to check my blood suggar now more often if I want to prevent diabetes...

Ah, and the news is that they start vote the year nurse and carer. I did ask from my boss where is the box where I should let in my voting papers one by one with my names. Kadi just laughed and told I can't do that because nurses are giving votes for carers. Sweet! Cheating won't go through! Ai-ai-ai!

It remains to me that life is the flower. And THAT reminds me it is really beautiful and sunshiny day and I should ask Maris to come have walk with me. Oh, and she is coming!!

****************

TADV list:

Subject: Youth evening 1st April...

...takes part at Tom ....at 19.00 like usually...
Will see you then... I will take a new book with... You can take with the youth prayer week storys also just in a case...

Kärt

Subject: Re: Youth evening 1st April...

Are you sure still it takes part at Tom? Or is it like that we all are going at Tom and there is a note on the door: APRIL! We get together at Mervi actually :)

Kind April to everyone... and smile more.

Karin

Subject: Re: Re: Youth evening 1st April...

Don't worry Karin, Kärt has no sense of humour.

Tom

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Youth evening 1st April...

Kärt doesn't have to have any. It is enugh you have, Tom.
So are we going to have barbecue?

Heleri

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Youth evening 1st April...

No barbecue today.
There will be party instyle of Wild West.
Dresscode - jeans, chequered flannel shirt, hat.
Take with - your own chewing tobacco.
Ticket on the door - 2 dollars per face, well-behaved girls will get it for half.
Planned - dance in line a la chicken

Tom

********************

Great... Where do I get schequered shirt?...

Oh I got one! :D I will dress up and then I go to have walk with Maris.!

Wow!! It is so late... I have farmacology's test tomorrow... But the night and whole day was just wonerful today ;o) Just couple sad moments but ... I want to go on ;o)
Youth evening was great as well. I had possibility to say what I do think about the youth in church and outside of the church and hopefully it will change a bit now. We decided to get together sometimes just for chat also. To get to know eachother better without trying always make those times so ecclesiastic ;o)

I need to buy vodka. Jakob has still high teperature. I haven't got it down. Maybe I should wrap him in a sheet what is moistured with vodka??? ;P

On the weels again

There has passed just a week and I was back into car again. It was wonderful day for speeding. Spring is coming. May heart will trick with me still a bit but mostly I am laughing again. I know it is just a part of my defencive at moment but still... It is good to laugh even your heart is in tears. Roads are dry and clean. Not much cars were on the road. I enjoyed every minute there. A bit sas was to think that I refused go with guys couple weeks ago when they went just to have fire my the Peipsi lake somewhere. The icepath is probably melted already. Pfft. Nah, the boys know so well how to have good time. Why I refuse then every time to spend that together them? Next time! Next time... hmm... next time will be when I ask Allan to change my tyres for summer tyres. Good he told me I can ask him any time to do that. I need to call to him and make sure he and Markus have time for me and maybe even more we could do something they usually do together. It would be fun. I am amazed how easily they take everything.

Naahh... I am grazy. How could I step up in so young men gang? Are they now 20 or a bit more? What will I do with them? Yah, how they do take everything so easy :p I am already worring how do I can spend time with them till I am so old! That's the place for good laugh. If they think I am cool enough to ask me to join with them then why should I worry? Alright, I won't. I just need some better clothes for that... like jeans and sportshoes... Oh, and bicycle! Seems that I won't eat next month also :D I will get it to myself!!

Just a chocolate

Nurse: Do you need something?
A man with a dropper (MWD): No-no! My neighbour wants to see her. He points at me.
Nurse: Her?
MWD: Yes, something happened there?
me: Really? What happened?
MWD: You have to go there. He smiles.
me: Alright. I smile back. He is tall man. I perceive he was a big man before they told him he has a cancer. His big nose is red and full of purple vessels. It is from chemicals what the dropper slowly leads into his body. He simles. Always. I like him a lot.
MDW: Blatts maybe... He shrugs. His eyes are blinking and I see some light there. My heart goes cold and I start worry. I stop my work in a room of procedures and turn around to go in room 8. I step into my room to get some rubber gloves.
MDW: No-no. You don't need anything. He smiles.
Me: Really? I do smile back again when I take still pair of gloves into my pocket and holding other pair on my hand. I afraid his neighbour a bit. He is serios high and skinny man who never smiles. I afraid he even don't like me. I eneter into the rroom and stop in front of his bed.
me: Hi, how can I help? He just glares at me. Did I do something wrong? What could it be.. Dear heaven, stop glaring at me and say something! He doesn't. He opens just a drawer and takes from there a small plastic bag with something wrapped into a newspaper... What's now? He wants me unwrap his book? Alright. I can do that. He gives it to me.
Neighbour of MWD: For you. He sets his head back on his pillow. Huh?!
me: Thank you. Thank you very much! I watch at MWD. Dear man! Why did you scare me like taht? He smiles. I laugh.

Dear heaven! And I thought he hates me. He has never smiled at me. He has never told me any friendly word. But something I did made him feel he wants to thank me. I am happy. Oh, not because of chocklat what was in the bag. I am happy that something I did made him feel good. It is the heartfelt something why I love my job. I don't need gifts. It's enough when you got a smile or hug or wishper what asks me to come visit him/her after they are leaving from clinic. It is that great feeling you get from knowing someone felt better or happier because you had time for him/her.

The end of Youth prayer week 2008

It's over. We had presentation on Satturday evening and it was really good. I will tell you what happened there... Soon. ;o) It is my favorite word already. Always soon...

The girls night and what happened....

Back at home. Write about it tomorrow if I have filled all my duties for others :o)

************
30th March, Sunday.

Well, duties are done. Even more I expected myself to do. I was in full swing and after I finished a letter I wrote I did as well an artickel for a journal I promsed to do couple weeks ago (it had to go in april number anyway so I wasn't late there ;o)). After all of it I suddenly realised that it was night where we had to turn our clocks on an hour. So it was not 1:30 but 2:30 AM and I had to get up on the morning at 6:00 AM. I am at work and half day is alrady passed. I have lots of works so I am in run all the time but I can allow some minits to sit here now. But anyway.. about the niht then...

It was about 7:20 PM when Maris called me she is on the way down from Riia hill and that she dropped her lifemate next to the first-aid centrum. His friend had to pick up him there sometime... I got just home and I needed to finish a infosheet for my shurch so I asked her to get up at me. I did made some updates and sent the infosheet to my pastor. He didn't had glasses with today so he asked me to send it to him. We crabbed with the stuff we bought ealier during the day.

Kadri laughed when she saw us. We had too big bags for three of us. As planned we got some veggies like paprika, cauliflower, carrots, cucumber and tomatos. And some fruits like pieapple, apple, bananas and strawberries. Then we had 2 packets of Tallegg chicken wieners and a roll of pastry for pies. Maris got 3 packets of juice also.

When we start get ready food realised Maris she forgot dips so they went together Kadri at shop. I stayed there to prepear food. I did cut pastry for squares, wraped them around wienies and placed into oven. Then I washed veggies and started peeling and cutting them handful pieces for dipsouces.

Maris and Kadri returned and brought me flowers. Ah, they were so cute. ;o) 11 tulips. Well, they got the bunch of tulips for theirselves too. Good, it gave the feeling we have spring! Although watching outside told anything else. If I could find a way how to set up slideshow I could show it but I haven't managed to do that yet. Anyway.. Finally we were ready and we could go on wtiht our plans for the night. We set up boardgame "Eesti" ("Estonia") and started playing. Guess what, I won! ;o)

During the game we ate almost all rolls we made and veggies. Jee.. my tummy was full and got upset. But I didn't care much of it. I had forgotten my everyday problems because we had fun. After game we set up fondou pot and got over it. We had some fight in chocklat where we tried to steal others fruitpieces. I wonder we never pushed ovr the pot. Finally, when we were so full we could just lie on the ground we had some chat over school. The girls planned to go to "greenies" bicycle trip. It will take place in May and will cost about 500 krones for students. Just great, I had thought long time already to get a bicycle for myself and now I had just good reason to get it. I asked Maris to come with me look for a bicycle for me some day. She told that if I can't have it now she can barrow me one. Lovely. I just cant wait for it now. It would be great and quality time with friends and it is just what I need. So hard is find friends who would like to do the same things as I do. And now we got togethere and got to know that we had at least one good reason to spend more time together.

On the way back at home told Maris me that despite of my old age she takes me as the same age. And she likes to spend time with me. Great, just great. I like to be young.

The youth week of prayer 2008 eigth story

8. Calvary
the ultimate price

Matthew 26:47-75; 27 & 28; Mark 14:32-72; Luke 22-24
Gifford Rhamie
It’s hard to stand in court when all the evidence is stacked against you. We live in a country that prides itself in a judicial system that springs from the philosophy of the freedom of the individual: that you are ‘innocent before proven guilty’. But it’s hard to appear innocent when all the evidence compellingly conspires against you. In fact, then, you are guilty before you are even tried — ‘guilty before proven innocent’.

I’ve been there! I committed a traffic offence. I drove faster than my guardian angels, but not faster than the speed camera. It caught me. The photographic evidence was there. I was, my friends, ‘guilty before proven innocent’. There was no one between my soul and the magistrate, no one between except the court clerk, and what a stickler for the law she was. [In Great Britain, the magistrates’ court handles petty crime and the court clerk is the expert on the law who duly advises the magistrates.]

“Why are you here?” She interrogated, “You broke the law didn’t you?” “The penalty is mandatory – a £70 fine!” “You’re guilty aren’t you?” “Have you seen the photographic evidence?” “Then why are you here?” “Pay the fine!”

She not only said what she had to say, her entire frame embodied what she had to say. She threw the whole book at me, without reservation, without even an ounce of mercy – even though she knew I was a pastor! (In fact, I thought she had something against pastors!) The photographic evidence for her was enough – I was guilty as charged.

I felt silly and foolish before the little woman. By the time she was finished with me, my tall frame shriveled up to nothingness before her petite frame. Her face looked like the long face of the law, which rendered me defenseless. I would have been sent to the gallows had it not been for the words of the magistrate, “Have you got anything to say?” That came like a breath of fresh air! And all I could say was, “I had to pay the price of speeding to set her free!”

My experience serves as a parable of the human standing before heaven. You and I are charged by the arch-enemy, Satan, of a crime worthy of the ultimate death penalty. We are guilty, because we were “born in sin an shaped in iniquity”. Indeed, “in sin did our mother conceive us”. The penalty for our condition is death – eternal separation from God, eternal damnation. Now in the face of our condemnation, has God got anything to say? Well, what God has to say comes like a breath of fresh air, because it comes in the person of Jesus Christ. When I said to the magistrate, “I had to pay the price. . .,” I was talking about a speeding ticket. When God says, “I have paid the price,” God is talking about the ultimate price paid on Calvary to set everyone free.

Calvary is the answer to the charge of Satan. Calvary is what gives the human pardon from the penalty of death. Calvary is what makes us free. Calvary is the ultimate price for any pardon. But why Calvary? What makes Calvary the ultimate price?

The Man of Calvary
Calvary is the ultimate price simply because of the Man of Calvary. He is Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God. God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto Himself (Philippians 2:4-6). “He who knew no sin became sin for us,” 2 Corinthians... Jesus is the God-man. Only the God-man could save man. Only the Creator Himself, is qualified to save His creation. That’s why the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth (John 1:14). No angel would do, no other created being could do. He had to be the God-man called Jesus Christ. Only He who personally knew the height and depth of the love of God could accomplish our redemption.

But know this that God Himself chose to rescue us through Jesus. Jesus chose to give His life as a substitute for us. He didn’t have to. He didn’t simply and passively lose His life as though He had no control. He actively gave it.

It is told that in the First World War there was a young French soldier who was seriously wounded. His arm was so badly smashed that it had to b amputated. He was a magnificent specimen of young manhood, and the surgeon was grieved that the youngster had to go through life without a limb. So he waited beside his bedside to tell him the bad news when he recovered consciousness. When the lad’s eyes opened, the surgeon said to him: “I am sorry to tell you that you have lost your arm.” “Sir,” said the lad, “I did not lose it; I gave it – for France.”

Do you see the point? Jesus did not lose his life, he gave it! When Jesus was taken from Pilot’s court to Herod’s and back again, Jesus was not helplessly caught up in a mesh of circumstances from which he could not break free. We are told that He could have called upon 10,000 angels to intervene and save His life. He did not lose His life; He gave it. The Cross was not thrust upon Him; He willingly accepted it — for you and me.

And guess what, it was the ultimate price, though He did it for free. You see, there are some things that money cannot by.

Money can buy a bed but not sleep, a hammer but not a carpenter, “things’ but not friends, a toy but not a child’s happiness, a pen and paper but not an author, a pencil but not an idea, a house but not a home, a wedding but not peace, paints but not an artist, eyeglasses but not eyesight, a chair but not rest, a computer but not wisdom, a flag but not patriotism, a gun but not a soldier, a book but not knowledge, a machine but not a skill, a name but not a man, a church but not a religion, an altar but not salvation, and a cross but not a Saviour.’ There are some things that money cannot buy. Money cannot buy love.

There is not price tag on love. The sacrifice of one’s life is the ultimate price. Moreover, money can’t buy a Saviour. So it’s Jesus the God-man that makes Calvary so special.

What is your picture of Jesus today? So often we picture Jesus without the cross. We picture Jesus without the nail-print scars in His hands. We prefer a Jesus who looks like a big brother, or even an unclelike figure, but not the Jesus of Calvary.

But did you know that the more we study and contemplate Jesus in light of the cross, the more we see mercy, tenderness, and forgiveness blended with equity and justice. The more we walk and talk with this figure of Jesus who has fresh nailprints in His hands, the more we see Jesus in our mind’s eye as the One who died in our place, as the One who died to save us, the more we would have the assurance that we are justified through the merit of his sacrifice. It is the Jesus of Calvary, not the Jesus of the womb or the tomb; but the Jesus of Calvary who gives the sinner another chance.

My friends, if at any time you begin to fear that you will be lost, that Jesus does not love you, look to Him at Calvary. He says, “I am He that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive forevermore,” (Revelation 1:18). Further, he says when you are witnessing of him, “Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the ages,” (Matt. 28:20).

So Calvary is special because of the Man of Calvary, Jesus Christ.

The Cross of Calvary
But Calvary is the ultimate price also because of the cross of Calvary. “The cross is the only ladder high enough to touch Heaven’s threshold.” “The cross is the only key to set man free.”

While taking a prisoner from a correctional centre to be arraigned on charges of attempted armed robbery, police constable John Bolton noticed a cross around the neck of the convict. Knowing the man was not religious, he took a closer look. The prisoner then attempted to hide something that was protruding from the top of the cross. When questioned, he said it was a good luck charm designed to look like a spoon for sniffing cocaine. But Constable Bolton was suspicious that it looked like a handcuff key. So he took it away and by experimentation found that this special cross could open most handcuffs. This discovery led to the exposure of an underground attempt by prisoners in Ontario, Canada to make a number of these cross-type-keys.

But friends while there have been attempts to make crosses that can set people free; there is only one cross that can set humans free! It frees them from the bondage and condemnation of the law, and that cross is the cross of Calvary. Unfortunately many are more concerned about freedom for the body than they are about freedom for the soul. Whether insid or outside prison, all men need the cross that sets us free.

We need to lift high the cross. We need to put the cross back where it belongs. I don’t mean around some pious neck, nor consigned to a rosary, or even confined to a church. All I’m saying is that the cross be raised again:

That the cross be raised again at the centre of the market place

as well as on the steeple of the church, I am recovering the claim that Jesus was not crucified in a cathedral between two candles:

But on a cross between two thieves; on a town garbage heap;

At a cross-road of politics so cosmopolitan that they had to write His title in Hebrew and in Latin and in Greek...

It was the kind of place where cynics talk smut, and thieves curse and soldiers gamble.

That’s where we need to raise the cross.

Because that is where He died, and that is what He died about.

And that is where Christ’s men ought to be, and what church people ought to be about.

In many communities, it is not fashionable to admit that you are a Christian. In fact, the cross is a symbol of shame and disgrace as it was 2000 years ago, although for different reasons. However, the same way Jesus turned the symbol from shame and disgrace to “amazing grace” by his sacrifice, so can we turn the symbol around today by our Christ-like sacrifice. The hallmark of Jesus-living is self-denial – sacrifice! So let’s put people first in our classes, in our apartments, in our neighborhoods, families, workplaces, initiatives, projects, plans – in our futures.

People need to see that it is the cross of Christ that makes the difference in our lives. They need to see that the cross has produced in us a new code of behavior. The things we used to do we don’t do them anymore. The things we used to wear ... read ... watch ... listen to ... places ... Why? Because the cross, which makes Calvary so special, has made a difference in our lives.

So Calvary is ultimate price not only because of the Man of Calvary but also because of the cross of Calvary.

Sinners of Calvary
But Calvary is finally the ultimate price because of the sinners of Calvary. Calvary makes little sense without the sinners hanging there.

Hear me out. On the hill of Calvary were three crosses. One cross portrays a thief dying IN sin, and the other a thief dying TO sin. (Which sinner are you?) But the centre cross speaks of the redeemer dying FOR sin. Calvary divides all of humanity into one of two categories — those who reject Christ and die in sin and those who receive Christ and can die to sin. (But which category are you in?)

For if you are in the one dying to sin, Jesus says you have to pick up your cross daily, and follow me. “If any man will come after me,” He says, “let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” Mat 16:24.

The beauty about the decision that was made by the thief on the cross who accepted the grace of Jesus is that although it was a last minute decision, it was still accepted by heaven. There was no fanfare, no long altar call, no Bible study, not even time for baptism (though all these do have their places).

There was a mere, “Remember me...” that was affirmed by, “Today, you will be with me...”

Right now you have the opportunity to say in your heart, “Jesus, remember me!” In so saying, you are saying, “I accept the gift of Calvary, the ultimate price that heaven had to pay to redeem a poor sinner like me!” I now want the miracle of Calvary to empower my living, whether it be to kick a habit, to change my taste buds, to go to the next level of my personal development, to embrace the values of endurance, simplicity and selfless service — whatever it might be — I submit to the power that Calvary unleashes to empower my soul.

When I stood before the magistrate that day, I told you that all I could say was, “I had to pay the price of speeding to set her free!” But what I didn’t tell you was the whole story. You see, I went on to tell the magistrates that I got an emergency call from the local hospital that late evening that one of my parishioners was dying and could I get there immediately to pray with her before her last dying breath. Well, apart from taking the word “immediately” quite literally, I knew that my presence as an agent of God would not only bring her comfort, but permission to die in the freedom of peace and hope. So I negotiated the roads a little sharper and quicker than I normally did to get there, acknowledging that I did break the law to do this. I wanted to tell them further that I did get there just in time, and managed to hold Agnes by her lily, crispy hands and recite and pray that “God shall wipe away all tears from your eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things would be passed away,” (paraphrased, Rev 21:4). I wanted to tell them this, but the magistrates stopped me in my tracks in order to break for their deliberations over my case.

A few moments later, they returned from their chambers and pronounced the verdict, “Not guilty!” to my utmost surprise and delight. They did, however, record the offence against my name, but that for me was a small price to pay.

Jesus paid the ultimate price to set every human free.

Out of home and body and mind....

Later today I will do that. I meet with some of my friends and we are planing to spend some good time together. Jou! The weather is just wonderful. Snow and sun! And the air is so clear. And today I will have finally some food! Mwhahahahahah! I have to because all we will do will be just delicous! Wieners in pastry; some vegetables iwit dips and chocolate fondue with bananas, pieapple, just apple, strawberry... Mmmmmm! My life will start again! :D

PS! See, Maris did a tatoo on my hand around a mole :p  

The youth week of prayer 2008 seventh story

7. Scandalous
the culture of foot-washing

John 3:1-17
Beth Holford is at Cambridge University, reading for a Bachelors degree in Social and Political Sciences. Among other things, she enjoys singing, reading, cooking for friends, writing, and photography.

Step into my life for a moment: it’s Sabbath morning. I’ve snoozed my alarm too many times, and am now attempting to shower, dress, eat breakfast and clean my teeth, all at once. I drive to church too fast, styling my hair in the rear-view mirror, and run into the sanctuary to take my place in the music rehearsal. Between song practices, I cast a distracted eye over the bulletin for the day and my spirits drop even further. I had forgotten that it was a communion service today. You might think that I’m upset because I haven’t had a chance to prepare spiritually for the occasion. Actually, I’m thinking about my feet. My toenails could do with a cut and shape, and the skin on my heels is still leathery from a summer on the beach. And, horrors, I’m wearing socks with holes in them. I lose track of my place in the music because I’m running through excuses I could use to immune myself from the foot-washing ordinance.

Now, imagine something slightly different: It’s Thursday night. We’ve been walking for most of the day, in the sort of weather that brings despair to air conditioning units, and, thanks to a lack of deodorant, none of us smells brilliant. The ‘practical’ open-topped leather sandals turn feet into a chiropodist’s dream – blisters, calluses and ingrown toenails. The road that we’ve been walking could easily be mistaken for a rubbish dump, a sewer, or a giant hamster’s dust-bath. When we arrive at the room we’re renting for the evening, the first thing we want to do is have our feet washed.

Ok, come back. Let me give you some background on the footwashing tradition as it stood before Jesus turned it on its head. Footwashing was a demeaning task. In a situation such as the one faced by Jesus and His disciples, a household slave would be expected to wash the feet of all of the guests before they touched any food. To eat with dirty feet meant that a Jew could become ceremonially unclean. It was a practise that helped to maintain a social hierarchy, and so the person of lowest rank, a Gentile slave if possible, would be the one to wash and dry everyone else’s smelly, dirty, toughened feet. No such attendant was present at this secret meal of Jesus and his disciples, so Jesus took the place of the lowest of the low.

So, this makes Jesus’ action scandalous, disturbing and embarrassing for everyone present there. Let’s look further into the reasons behind this. No-one made any comment or suggestion about the foot-washing dilemma, even though the situation generally called for each man to clean his own feet, or for the lowest-ranking disciple to offer to perform the task. Ellen White tells us more about the situation in the Desire of Ages, talking about the fact that earlier that afternoon, the disciples had been arguing about their positions in the group, vying for first place. She goes on, saying, “each of the disciples, yielding to wounded pride, determined not to act the part of a servant. All manifested a stoical unconcern, seeming unconscious that there was anything for them to do. By their silence they refused to humble themselves.” (p. 644)1 To use a little bit of poetic license, I’d say that the meal must have been extremely awkward for everybody. Peter might be looking meaningfully at Bartholomew, who, petrified, would turn to glare down the table towards Thomas, who, without doubt, would be expecting Thaddeus to step up to the task. I imagine Jesus, sitting at the head of the table, watching the interaction, heartbroken, knowing that these were his last few days as a human and that his disciples didn’t seem to have learned a thing. Time passes, Jesus keeps waiting, allowing the meal to drag out, allowing each disciple the chance to humble themselves, allowing each of his followers to mentally dismiss the idea of playing the slave and transfer the expectation to another.

Finally, he gets up.

Perhaps the disciples think he’s going to call the landlord to provide a slave to perform the foot-washing duty. Perhaps each of them thinks that Jesus is going to walk up to the lowliest disciple and dress him down for his failure to serve. He couldn’t possibly be walking over to the water jug. Jesus, the one for whom people had laid down their cloaks a few days earlier, wouldn’t be stripping to his undergarments.

Those hands that healed lepers, that raised the dead, that meticulously placed every star in the sky, those hands couldn’t be removing smears of manure from dry, cracked skin. To return to the words of Ellen White, “This action opened the eyes of the disciples. Bitter shame and humiliation filled their hearts. They understood the unspoken rebuke, and saw themselves in altogether a new light.”

To go back to my own story, the one that started this reading, I’d like to consider the meaning of footwashing today. Various traditions and meanings accompany this ordinance in different parts of the world. Some congregations use the tradition as a means of reconciling grudges within the church. Others have slightly modernised the idea, and rub moisturising lotion into their brethrens’ feet instead of washing them. Sometimes it feels like a new school of hermeneutics has discovered that ‘Communion Sabbath’ should be interpreted as ‘Visit another Church Sabbath’. What is it about communion that makes it so uncomfortable that people feel the need to ‘skip church’ that day? Maybe the English people really do have as low an embarrassment-threshold as other nations suggest. Or maybe we are just missing the point of this tradition.

At the very start of chapter 13 in the Book of John, the author states that “Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.” (verse 1)2 This demonstration of humility and love was Jesus’ parting gift to his disciples, and to us. If the disciples had realised what their Teacher was about to do, and excused themselves to prepare their feet for such an honour, the ‘service’ would have not only been unnecessary, but also undermined.

When I felt embarrassed about the state of my feet, I didn’t think about the difference between our sanitised version of foot-washing, and the original event. It hadn’t occurred to me that while I was concerned about being asked to partner with a visitor, the disciples were forced to come to terms with being served by their Master. If I can’t bear the thought of my Sabbath School teacher seeing my less-than-perfect feet, can I, with honesty, really open my heart to my God? I know that if my foot-washing partner had a glimpse of my conscience, he or she would realise that un-cut toenails ought to be the least of my worries. However, in my experience of church, misrepresentation starts with pedicured feet and ends in presenting ourselves as perfect. Or, if not perfect, a corrected, censored version of our characters. Church ceases to be a hospital and becomes a catwalk.

If we can’t be real with our fellow fallen beings, how do we hope to face up to our perfect Creator, God? Do we hide our metaphorical feet, trying to wipe off the foulest dirt as inconspicuously as possible? Or do we, like Peter, refuse to accept God’s service outright?

You might have heard people say that when we refuse to share our true nature with God, we are, at the same time, questioning His power to accept us, love us, and save us. I would suggest that by doing this we are also failing to accept His astounding humility, and His extravagant grace.

Similarly, when we present our foot-washing partner with freshly washed feet, we cheat them of their act of service.

According to Ellen White, in the book Pastoral Ministry (p. 170), “The object of this service is to call to mind the humility of our Lord, and the lessons He has given in washing the feet of His disciples. There is in man a disposition to esteem himself more highly than his brother, to work for himself, to serve himself, to seek the highest place; and often evil-surmising and bitterness of spirit spring up over mere trifles. This ordinance preceding the Lord’s Supper is to clear away these misunderstandings, to bring man out of his selfishness, down from his stilts of self-exaltation, to the humility of spirit that will lead him to wash his brother’s feet.”3 Perhaps the thing we need to practise in both our earthly and spiritual relationships is the quality of openness. Openness about our own failings, the paths we’ve trodden, the shortcuts we’ve taken, the messes we’ve gotten ourselves into, invites humility from others as well as ourselves. It invites the listener to react humbly, instead of judging and condemning us. Because of this, Jesus is most exalted when we are at our lowest, because these are the moments at which we truly accept his sacrifice as necessary for us, when we see our need for a Saviour. The apostle Paul writes in Second Corinthians, “[Jesus] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses…” While this may seem like a rather extreme reaction to God’s saving power, I think that, in essence, it’s a revolutionary idea. To practise this sort of extreme honesty could add a whole new dimension to the way that we, as Adventists, understand church, fellowship, and even God.

I think that this is a useful time in which to point out something about the context of the scripture we’re focusing on today. We’ve only read John 13: 1-17, but if you continue to the end of the chapter you may notice that Jesus predicts both Judas’ betrayal and Peter’s denial of him almost immediately after he’s finished washing their feet. Not only does Jesus give his disciples an object lesson in humility and service, he does so knowing that most of them will have completely forgotten or disregarded it within a few hours. Ellen White suggests that it was this tremendous act of humility that sealed Judas’ decision to betray Jesus to the Pharisees. She describes the situation in the following way: “Judas was now offended at Christ’s act in washing the feet of His disciples. If Jesus could so humble Himself, he thought, He could not be Israel’s king. All hope of worldly honour in a temporal kingdom was destroyed. Judas was satisfied that there was nothing to be gained by following Christ. After seeing Him degrade Himself, as he thought, he was confirmed in his purpose to disown Him, and confess himself deceived.” (Conflict and Courage, p. 319)4 In full knowledge of the fact that he was facing shame, misunderstanding and condemnation, Jesus proceeded to wash his disciples’ feet.

How did Jesus have the courage to step so far out of line with human expectations? The answer is found right at the start of this story. Verse 3 states that “Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God”, and then verse 4 starts with “so…”. This means that John is implying here that it was because of Jesus’ confidence in his position in God’s kingdom that he could act in such an unworldly way. His security came from His knowledge of God’s love for Him, and not that of the fickle esteem of the disciples, or the crowds of cheering people who had welcomed him only a week before. Cocooned in His Father’s love and approval, Jesus had the audacity to break social convention, the humility to wash his followers’ feet, and the grace to serve those who were about to fail him.

Jesus’ foot-washing service doesn’t only provide a model for our behaviour to each other, but it also gives us the freedom and the confidence to perform acts of extreme service. As we see in Jesus’ action the character of God himself, we learn that our own confidence can rest in the hands of our Father. Trusting God with our sense of self liberates us to be truly humble. To paraphrase Romans 12, when we examine God’s mercy, humility and love, we learn what those qualities essentially entail, and come to a God-defined identity of ourselves, in which we can offer our bodies to be used as vessels to communicate God’s character to those around us.

What does this mean for our churches? It means a new social focus. It means a new group aim. It means actively seeking ways to serve our King through serving our congregations and our communities. Abandoning the church politics, the grudges, the doctrinal differences, and coming together humbly, to learn how to love. As Jesus says towards the end of John chapter 13, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Even the saint with smelly feet.

References:
1Desire of Ages, p. 644
2John 13:1
3Pastoral Ministry, p. 170
4Conflict and Courage, p. 319

The youth week of prayer 2008 sixth story

6. No Favourites Here
Healing every class

Mark 1:40-42
Trevor Young lectures in the Department of Theological Studies, Newbold College, UK, in Pastoral & Biblical Studies with Research Interest in the book of Acts and the birth of Christianity. He is passionate about young people and their development whether in well-being, music, education, or spirituality. He is married to Jasmine, with whom he shares two children, Serena and Jonathan.

I remembered when I was growing up, there was this youth club to which I belonged, which was involved in sporting as well as various other activities. Anyone who is familiar with me knows that sports play an integral part in my life. I was such a major influence on both the track and football teams that I enjoyed special privileges from the coaches, to the disgust of my other team-mates. Of course the human side of me would bask in those privileges. Who wouldn’t? As humans we have an inherent nature that enables us to treat some more special than others. That’s how it is with us; in fact that’s human nature. However it’s quite the contrary with our Saviour. He treats everyone as equal; ‘there are no favourites here, for He is no respecter of persons.’ It does not matter where you are from, where you have been, who your parents are, or what they own, how large your bank balance is, or the positions you hold in church. With our Lord these things do not matter, He sees us, as we truly are; sinners in need of His saving grace. He sees not as the world sees, for with us we see the outward appearance.

However He looks deeper and sees the entire picture, ‘Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart’. There are no special privileges for us to enjoy.

The Bible testifies that all of us were born in sin and shaped in iniquity. As a result of sin some of us have deformities, diverse diseases, physical and mental abnormalities. Some of these diseases can be healed by medical practitioners, for God has given them the knowledge However the Great Physician heals not only our physical and mental state, but also our spiritual state. In order to heal us, he must first heal our souls. He starts with our hearts, and then he heals our physical and mental abnormalities. However, we must accept by faith that He is able to do so. ‘For without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him’ (Heb. 11:16). There are many who may feel downtrodden, depressed, and disheartened- like outcasts. (as if the dregs of society.Let not your hearts be troubled, for Jesus came to seek and to save that which was lost, to heal the sick, to comfort the disheartened and to lead sinners to repentance. ‘The whole [healthy] has no need of a Saviour, but those that are sick’. The scripture tells us that ‘they brought unto Him many that were possessed with devils and He cast out the spirits with His word and healed all that were sick. That it might fulfil that which was spoken by the prophet Esias, saying, ‘Himself took our infirmities and bear our sicknesses’, (Matt. 8:16-17)1. What a wonderful testimony, we can therefore rest assured knowing that He heals all classes, whether rich or poor, even outcasts like lepers.

Leprosy was the most dreaded disease of its age. Its incurable and contagious character, and its horrible effects upon its victims, filled even the bravest with fear. Among the Jews it was regarded as a judgement on account of sin. By the ritual law, the leper was pronounced unclean. Like one already dead, he was shut out from society, isolated from his family, and was doomed to associate only with those who were similarly afflicted. Whatever he touched was unclean, even the air was polluted by his breath. He was obliged to publish his own calamity, to rend his garments, and sound the alarm, warning all to flee from his contagious presence. (Ministry of Healing, pg. 45)2

The scripture (Mk. 1:40-42) tells the story of the leper who came beseeching Jesus, saying ‘if Thou wilt, Thou canst make me clean’. For he had heard the good news about the ministry of Jesus, and knew that all who had sought Him for help were not turned away. He was determined to find the Saviour, no matter how great the difficulties were. He first believed that Jesus was able to heal him, and he trusted in him to do so. As a result, faith strengthened in his heart, and he thought of nothing else but his blessed hope of healing.

His eyes were fixed on Jesus, as he purposed in his heart that only The Saviour could impart lifegiving power to heal him of the dreaded disease that etched away at his mortal flesh. He believed, and as a result of his faith, he was healed. Every one of us has been given a measure of faith; it is up to us to exercise that faith.

Therefore when we come to Jesus we must first believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seeks Him. Whosoever will fall at His feet, saying in faith, ‘Lord if thou wilt’, Thou canst make me clean, will hear the answer, ‘I will, be thou clean’. (Matt.8:2-3)3.

At times we are so sick and overtaken by diseases and infirmities that we are too weak to seek the master for ourselves. However our loved ones may intercede on our behalf, and earnestly desire for us to be healed. The scripture tells us in (Matt. 9:2) how the man sick of the palsy was brought in his bed to Jesus by his friends. The crowd was so thick that they couldn’t get in, but they were determined that if they got him to Jesus he would be healed. They allowed nothing to stand in their way. So they sought means to bring him in and when they realised conventional ways would not work, they went upon the housetop and let him down through the roof. When Jesus saw their faith, and his belief that only He could make him whole, the life giving mercies of the Saviour had first blessed his longing heart. For He had watched the first glimmer of faith grow into a belief that He was the sinner’s only helper, and had seen it grow with every effort to come into His presence. Now with words that fell like music on the sufferer’s ear th saviour said, ‘Son be of good cheer, thy sins be forgiven thee’. (Matt 9:2) The burden of sin rolled from his soul, the peace of forgiveness rest upon his countenance. His physical pain is gone and his whole being is transformed. The helpless paralytic is healed, the guilty sinner is pardoned. (Desire of Ages, p. 227)4

Can you imagine having friends like those, who are so concerned about you that they would go through any lengths to help you? Those are friends who, if you are in the gutter they will come down there and help you to get out. These are the type of folks we need to associate with, the Bible testifies that every man should not look on himself, but on the other, let us bear one another’s burdens.’ You do no want to be ill or facing some severe circumstances or situation, and all around you is crumbling and falling to pieces. Then to top it all you have the added burden of your friends and loved ones’ discouraging words and actions. In these times you don’t need to be discouraged, you need to be encouraged. So when your friends discourage you, rebuke them in Jesus’ name and fix your eyes on Him. As the song writer poignantly pens it, ‘turn your eyes upon Him, look full in His wonderful face and the things of this world will grow strangely dim in the wonder of his glory and grace.’

On the other hand, there are those who want to see us remain in sin and be burdened down by our circumstances and infirmities. Therefore they will be like stumbling blocks. Instead of rejoicing with and for us, they complain and mourn as the Pharisees did. However be comforted by the fact that Jesus can heal and set you free from whatever illness, circumstance or sin that besets you; and whom The Son sets free, is free indeed.

There are times when we have been so long mangled in sin, adverse situations or difficult circumstances, but instead of losing hope we persevere. Hope still burns within our hearts that our healing will happen.

Of the time we know not, however we are assured and confident that it will happen. Our confidence and assurance is not in us, because of ourselves we can do nothing. On the contrary our confidence rests in Him, Our Saviour and Lord, Jesus Christ the righteous. The bible testifies that His word shall not come back to Him void, but it will accomplish that which it sets out to do. So if He says it, then you receive it, believe it, stand on it and you will achieve it. We may have to wait a while for our deliverance to arrive; therefore we need to exercise patience. However the scriptures testify of how strengthened a man will be when he waits upon the Lord. ‘But they that wait upon the Lord shall rene their strength….’ (Isa. 40:31)5. As a result of being overtaken so long in our circumstance, condition o situation, we become outcasts of society. Our so-called friends and associates reject us, and we are exclude from social gatherings, parties, etc. Luke 8:43 tell us of the woman who had an issue of blood for twelve years spent all her money on doctors and medication, all to no avail. Then she heard of Jesus and knew where he was going to be next. She trusted the Saviour’s love and knew that this was her only hope of ever being healed. Consequently she turned up to see Him, only to find a sea of people. This made it almost impossible for her to get close to Him, much less to commune with Him about her problem. So she purposed in her heart and believed that if only she could touch the hem of Jesus’ garment, then she would be healed. She pressed and pressed until she got within arms reach and finally she was able to touch just the hem of His garment. This she did and immediately she was healed. At times also we may feel disheartened and depressed because our situation may have been plaguing us for many, many years. John 5:2 testifies of the man who had an infirmity for 38 years. Surely he must have given up, and his mind riddled with bullets of doubt. He must have been wondering if there was still hope for him. Surely we can all understand that, and perhaps some of us may even be able to relate to it. Let us empathise with this man, who could have been a close friend, a neighbour or even a relative. Can you imagine how he must have felt, what must be going through his mind, for 38 long years? Now Jesus happens to be passing by where he was, and stopped by him. Don’t think for a moment that it was by chance that Jesus came his way. Instead it was by divine appointment, for the Saviour always appears at the appointed time, and this was to be his day of deliverance. Jesus knew of his case, hence He reached out to his faith by asking him if he wanted to be made whole. This was to see where he was spiritually, because Jesus already knew he wanted to be healed. How would he respond to The Saviour? How would you respond if you were in the presence of the Great Physician?

Sure enough his faith was weak, he responded by focussing on the obstacles in his way. Instead of looking steadfast on Jesus and His promises, he focussed on his problems, oblivious to the fact that the stirring of the water that he waited upon, received its healing powers from the Living Well who was communing with him. I encourage you brethren that no matter what situation, circumstances, illness or shortcomings you may face, let not your hearts be troubled, for we serve a mighty God who is touched with the feelings of our infirmities. He hears the cries his children raise and always meet our needs, so keep your eyes fixed on Him. Hold steadfast to his promises because they are sure, and abide by his words because they are true. However, the devil, ‘the father of lies’, impregnates your mind with seeds of doubt and disbelief that weakens your faith and causes you to lose hope. But there is hope, and we can find no relief until we run to the healer of the soul. The peace that He alone can give, imparts vigour to the mind and health to the body. Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil. In Him is life, and He says, ‘I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly’ (Jn. 10:10)6.

Luke 7:1-16 testifies of various miracles performed by the Saviour.

The centurion was a very important man in Rome. He was admired by the Jewish Elders as he had built them a synagogue. He had manifested respect for the service of God, and shown kindness to the Jews as His worshippers. He felt unworthy to come into the presence of the Saviour and appealed to the Jewish elders to make request for the healing of his servant. The centurion did not question the His power. He did not even ask Him to come in person to perform the miracle. ‘Speak the word only,’ he said and ‘my servant shall be healed.’ The centurion’s servant was sick with the palsy and lay at the point of death. Jesus marvelled at his faith, and healed his servant according to the faith of his master. (Desire of Ages, pg. 317)7

Luke 18:35 tell us of the blind beggar that was healed by Jesus. Jesus does not care who you are or where you are, He has an everlasting love for all. Even beggars experienced his mercies. At times we need to lift our voices to the Creator and Redeemer, as only He can save us from this wretched sinful life. When others try to silence us from approaching the mercy seat, we need to raise our voices even higher. Imagine being physically blind, not being able to see anything, and all around you is total darkness. This alone should strengthen your faith, because you are at the mercy of everyone around as well as the elements of nature. To make matters worse you are confined to a life of solitude and begging for alms. Luke tells us of the blind beggar who heard that Jesus was near. Oh how his spirit must have burned within. Jesus’ fame had spread abroad, so he must have heard of all the miracles and healing He had done for others. Now to hear that He was near, that he had to accept by faith, because he could not see for himself. It was his faith that led him to cry out; ’Thou Son of David, have mercy on me.’ As would be expecte there were those who wanted to steal his joy, to silence his cry for his only hope of being healed. But he was not about to let any one or anything stand in his way, so even though Jesus did not hear, the man did not lose faith, he shouted even louder. Now the Great Physician heals the sick, He hears the cries his children raise and always meet their needs. Jesus already knew of his situation, so after commanding that he be brought to Him, He asked him what was his request. Now Jesus knew he wanted to be healed, but He wanted him to exercise his faith, He wanted first to heal his sin sick soul. Oh such faith, the blind man responded ‘oh that I would receive my sight’. Jesus healed him and immediately he received his sight and glorified God. He came into the world to save all that would believe and accept Him. We are no longer aliens but children of God, and as children of God we are heirs and partakers to the throne.

Jesus is no respecter of persons, whether you are a lawyer, doctor or an accountant residing in the upper echelons of society, or a janitor, domestic helper or garbage collector living on the other side of the tracks. Whether you are surrounded with loved ones and friends, or you are the life and soul of the party, or you may even be so snubbed and overlooked, that you feel like an outcast. Be comforted that in His sight the souls of all men are of equal value. In Him is life-giving power, and He still has the same power now that He had in his earthly ministry, as He ministers in our behalf in the heavenly sanctuary.

He heals all manner of diseases, whether those who come to Him for help are rich or poor, without distinction of age, rank, nationality, colour, creed, religious privilege, or social class. All are invited to come unto Him and live. ‘Whosoever believeth on Him shall not be ashamed: For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek….. (Rom. 10:11-12)8. ‘The rich and poor meet together; the Lord is the maker of them all’ (Prov. 2:2)9. ‘Whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord the same shall be saved’ (Rom. 10:13)10 There are no favourites here; He is no respecter of persons.

References:
1Matthew 8:16, 17
2The Ministry of Healing, p. 45
3Matthew 8:2, 3
4Desire of Ages, p. 227
5Isaiah 40:31
6John 10:10
7Desire of Ages, p. 317
8Romans 10:11, 12
9Romans 10:13

Enough...

It must end. And it means I have to end it for my own interest. It is mentalillness how I do kill myself. My body eats me already... So lets ask some questions from myself...

Q: Am I ready to die for him?
A: I was... Mwhaahahahaaa... I still am... ;o/

Q: Ok... Am I forgiven for him?
A: Hmm... this is good question. Haven't I already? I would like to believe I am but sometimes... Ah, more likly I have not.

Q: Alright. If you haven't forgiven for him then... do you hate him?
A: I wish I could. How can you hate someone with one you have planned to live whole your life?

Q: How can you not hate someone who did it to you?
A: Would it be easier to hate? I don't think so. Humans need hope.

Q: What do you hope? That everything will changes and he is back at you?
A: I wish it would be like that...

Q: Do you think it is possible?
A: I dont know. But I will ask now!

Waiting for the answer...

Q: Seems he never answers. What would you do if his answer is negative?
A: I wouldn't like it.

Q: But...?
A: I should accept it. ;o) And end it all. I have even thought how to do that. Till the pain is part of our lives and it won't go anywhere then I just have to learn to live with it. And it means I must stop blocking the pain and try to live with it.

Q: Are you ready to do that?
A: Not really. But I know I must. I have postponed it with excuse that I need to start eating propperly first. It haven't worked yet so why postpone it still...

Q: But what if his answer is positive? Could you trust him again?
A: Probably not. Or if yes then it would be very hard ;o)

Q: ...
A: Actually there would play roll some other things as well what would make being with him difficult.

Q: What things?
A: Does it matter?

Q: Actually not... Why are you still so stucked on him then?
A: Because my life feels so empty suddenly, you know. I had so many years good memories with him and suddenly... Suddenly I have to get new memories ;o) I can't get them so quickly so I am a bit stucked on him still... a bit too much. But it has to changes, I know...

Still waiting for the answer... Muig... He has been whole night so talkative but not now after the last question. Probably he will send on the mornig an answer like "Sorry I didn't answer yesterday. I was tired and went to bed." Ja, that may happen. But I have to work. This night and next one as well...

I got the answer. It did surprise me.

Q: So??
A: Be patient. ;o) I am have to ask some specifying questions.

Q: But he did answer. How did it look?
A: Intresting. ;o) Well, he said yes and no. But after that he said something more what actually did matter more than his yes or no.

Q: I just don't understand why do you bother to care for him? He wasn't the one he told he is.
A: I know. ;o) I am telling that to myself every day. But a heart is slow to forget.

Q: But you told you would forgive to him.
A: And so what?

Q: So you would be with him again?
A: I don't remember I told that... But anyway. He gave me free and now I know his heart is not with me. Long time already. Sad but true. So it is all over and no questions anymore. ;o)

Q: Are you sad?
A: Yeah... but I would like to say something for closing...

Q: Yes?
A: We hold dear what we don't get, and let fly away things we have.

Q: What?
A: I am finished here. ;o) I don't want to hold dear things what I don't have ;o) I have to go now... Bye.

Spring....

It has snowed two days for now. We didn't have during whole winter snow like now on the spring. I laughed when I saw it on the mornig.
Finally winter. And the city coverment was not ready for that. Wverywhere were crawling cars. Everywhere near to the streets where snwdrifts a meter or 1.5 higher. And air was so clear. Just amazing what can do white cold snow. Juhhei!
I walk at school today. Like everyday... But today it will be fun was I thinking when I climbed over snowbank to cross the street.
Great, police. Hopefully he is busy enough to get out from the car only because o pedastrian crossed the road where she should not.
Jup. He was.
Ah, Maris is crossing street somewhere there too. I let her to take photo from me standing near the snowdrift there!
Snow till our knees. The house keepers haven't cleaned everywhere the streets yet.
Jee... Why the bus had to stop here? We need to make now circle around it. Pftt! Or should we? It had blocked the street and we had to climb in snowdift now.
My bum will hurt later. I am sure. That walk is too intensive for it.
Ah, near school and the road was clean! .... and slippery I do realize after I find myself on my tummy. Maris laughed. Jeah, could be funny inteed.
Hi, school!

******************

-Hurry up, Maris.
-I need to go to pee!
-No, you don't?
-I do. I pee into my pants.
-NO! You don't!
-I do. I have others with. I can.
-Alright, but I am not going to stand next to you then.
-Why not?
-The smell of course. Rather dont come into class at all!
-Äh, what friend you are ;(
-What do you expect me to do then? Hold your hand and pee into my pants as well?
Jee. She nodded...

***************************

It is still snowing outside. I do hope they clean the streets for afternoon. Although it is funny to watch ppl struggle in snow there.

***************************

-Hei Kerli. What are you doing?
-Watching pictures I took.
-Oh, may I see.
-Sure.

Klick. Klick.

-Who is that?
-Oh that's my new puppy. She is a Chow-Chow.
-So lovely! And this one?
-Oh, he is just a chow.
-?????????
-Just his mother was a Chow-Chow....

*****************************

I just stand up and take my bag.
"I need to go!"
I walk out from the class 5 minutes before it ends. I need brush my teeth. I do watch out from window. Still is snowing. 30 minutes sdhould be enough to walk to my dentist.

***************************

-I will see you on 15th April then?
-That's suitable for me.
-Take a piece of choclate, please.
-No thank you. I really don't want.
-Hei, have you eaten anything today?
-Nope, but I don't like chokolate.
-Oh, do you see then, you need just a piece!
-Aliright ;o) Jee... what kind of dentist I have found... And all pieces are 2 sectors. Pft! It won't break!-Oh take it all!
-No! I really...
-Take it, I have more!
I take it. I do break it. I eat it. I stick the other into my pocket.
-Thank you :)
-I will see you then.
-Yes, bye.
-Bye.
I leave. I stop near the bin and drop the piece from my pocket there. Run downstairs and... yuki! I spit it all into white snow...

*********************************

Who am I cheating. I am not able to eat. I may sit there and watch my plate a much I wish I just can't make myself to lift anything to my mouth. 2 weeks and I have lost 4 kilo per week. Not that it would noticed for others so much but I do. And I don't mean that my clothes are flagging but I just don't feel good. Dizzy and sick.

And it is not like I haven't tried. I feel how hangry is my body. It's screaming by help. I was walking around in a shop and tried to convince myself to eat with the smell of ready food there. Cooked chicken, smelly tuna pizza, cheese... all my favorites. A day without food and I could buy all of them for night. But not yesterday... ´I bought 250 grams of strawberries. Red and sweet straight from Spain (I guess). Actually it tasted sweet indeed. I did ate 3 or 4 of them and was curled up in bed later almost dying becasue my tummy protested to digest it all. I felt really sick. Funny. It almost feels like my stomach has her own life now. It just wont take orders of mine. I always thought it is just exaggeration of babes and that when they just said they can't eat but being alone ate anyway. I actually dont know what to think about that anymore... Once my granny said "Oh if you would have broken heart you would lose some kilos!" Congratulation granny! You got me on broken-heart-diet.

The youth week of prayer 2008 fifth story

5. True Freedom
Casting Out Demons and Cultural Traditions

Matt. 15:1-28; Mark 1:39
Becky De'Oliveira is a native of Seattle who lived twelve years in the UK and now resides in Southwestern Michigan. She is a graduate of the creative writing MA program at Lancaster University in Lancashire, England, and works as a writer, editor and graphic designer.

“I do not want my house to be walled in on all sides and my windows to be stuffed. I want the cultures of all the lands to be blown about my house as freely as possible. But I refuse to be blown off my feet by any.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

THE MAN WAS asleep on a soft mat on the floor of a crude hut, curled on his side like a baby. He’d fallen asleep there in the house of a cherished friend after a sumptuous meal and an evening spent telling stories around a warm fire. So comfortable and at peace was this man that he didn’t even stir as a dozen or so men crept single-file into the hut, quietly surrounding the man as if preparing for a friendly game of Farmer in the Dell. Each man carried a spear and wore a fierce expression. One or two of them carry pitch-burning torches. When they were all assembled in their rightful places, someone cleared his throat or made some other small sound. The sleeping man stirred. Someone shuffled his feet. All eyes watched the man, waiting for the moment when he opened his eyes. The story they’ve been working on is fast approaching its climax. The man licks his lips, sleepily opens his eyes, rolls onto his back . . . and then sits upright, eyes suddenly wide with fright as he takes in the sight of the circle of men, immediately understanding what it means. The circle of men erupts into laughter. Gotcha! Fade to black. Cut to strips of human flesh being barbecued on a large outdoor grill, the entire village lined up and laughing maniacally with bottles of A1 sauce in hand.

“I don’t get it,” I whispered to the girl sitting next to me on a plastic folding chair in the youth hall. “They ate him?”

BACK SOME TWENTY-ODD years ago, watching a film at home or anywhere outside a cinema was a big deal and required advanced planning. It also required renting equipment, perhaps a degree in engineering—or at the very least the ability to sort and plug wires without throwing your bowl of popcorn through the window in a fit of rage. Because of the logistical challenges, you knew with certainty that any teacher or youth leader who came bursting through the doors with a reel-to-reel projector or TV/VCR on a wheeled trolley was about to change your life. Anything they bothered to show would be burned forever into your mind. The Challenger exploding—and the endless replays, a long spiral of smoke falling over and over again into the sea. John Huss—or an actor playing John Huss—singing Jesus Thou Son of David in a quivering voice as the flames rose around him as he stood bound to the stake. Johnny Lingo and his ten-cow wife. Strips of human flesh being barbecued on a large outdoor oven.

The film The Peace Child, based on a book of the same title by Don Richardson, is about the Sawi people of New Guinea. As of 1962, when Richardson and his wife, Carol, went to live among them, the Sawi were cannibal/head-hunters who fought amongst themselves. In this twisted culture where values seemed turned back-to-front, murder was considered a good thing; but not just ordinary murder. In order to be “a legend maker” a Sawi would first pretend to make friends with someone, luring him into complacency, and then killing him once he was fully convinced of the authenticity of the friendship.

These same people, prizing treachery as the greatest good, laughed themselves into fits when the missionaries relayed the story of Judas’ betrayal of Jesus with a kiss. The way they saw it, Judas was the hero of the story, “a legend maker.” If the story of Judas and Jesus and the kiss were made into a cowboy movie, Judas would wear the white hat and ride off into the sunset with the pretty woman.

I was thirteen years old and it had never before occurred to me that there might be more than one way to see the story of Judas. Never! It seemed to me, at that still-innocent time of life, that there were such things as good and bad and that everyone—all humans everywhere, even the ones who stuck bones through their noses—understood those concepts in the same way I did. Even if a person did bad things—like sauté other peoples’ organs—he would be nothing more than an anomaly, someone the rest of his villagers would try helplessly to explain. “I raised him with values,” his mother would sob on an evening news program, wiping her nose with a wadded handkerchief. “He ate with napkins on his lap at mealtimes and had no more than half an hour of television a day—and never anything violent. He called his elders ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am.’ He did his homework on time, never gave me nor his father a minute of trouble.” People could be bad, sure. But societally-sanctioned badness? Bad considered good? Hate as love? The big chief handing out medals to those who tricked and ate their friends? Was it possible that words were nothing more than jigsaw pieces—part of a giant puzzle in which any two pieces fit together; nothing had to be any particular way and no matter what you do, you create a picture?

Sucker punch! But the more I considered the idea, the more it started—strangely—to please me. I’ve always liked surprises—the little shock you feel when you discover a truth wholly unexpected. Eureka! Life is not what you thought. Eureka! You will never understand it all, but right now, you can understand this. Hold this truth in your hands for a moment and feel as it begins to swell. You can’t hold it forever; it will escape your grasp and you’ll be left, once again, yearning. So stroke it. Enjoy its cool clarity. The impossible was possible after all. There were people in the world who were nothing like me. They didn’t care about the same things, weren’t frightened or repelled by the same things. They were something else entirely. What? Is a person who prizes treachery, death and cannibalism even a person? A human being? What makes you human?

“Don’t be a fool,” a friend answered when I asked the same question. “Your DNA makes you human.”

“What makes you a Christian?”

“Giving up your sins and following Jesus.”

“But what if, to you, your sins are good? What if you’re taught that wrong is right? What about people who bury suspected adulterers to the neck and stone them, fathers who murder their own daughters in “honour” killings, tribes who perform ritual sacrifices? They do these things because they believe they are good— even required. How are people supposed to become Christians if even their thoughts are so corrupt that they don’t know the difference between right and wrong?”

“I don’t know. What happened with the Sawi people?”

“Are you kidding? It’s been more than twenty years. Anyway, after they ate the first guy, I think I went to the bathroom and locked myself in one of the stalls. I was too scared.”

CHRISTIANS, we are told, are supposed to transcend the cultures we are born into. We are not to merely reflect the values of our parents and societies, but we are to embody the character of Christ. In the old days, wherever wester Christians converted “natives,” those natives would begin to wear white shirts with collars and ties. They’d sing hymns. In the books I read as a child growing up, the people of Burma would stop chewing betel nut and they’d get rid of the pigs that lived under their raised huts. That was how you became a Christian and that was why it was always easier to convert people who already wore white shirts and lived without pigs or dark-red juice dripping from their teeth onto their chins. A “culture” was something only other people have—a wicked culture even more so. You don’t notice the extent to which the person you are is informed by your culture until you leave it and enter foreign territory where the behaviour of others jars you, where you feel always like a fool.

As a kid, I was fascinated with other cultures, with the clothes and customs and languages of other people. In hotel rooms on trips with my family, I’d busy myself in the corner with the Gideon Bible, copying John 3:16 in the curly script of Sinhalese or Tamil, the elegant scrawl of Arabic, the boxy simplicity of Hebrew or Korean. I spent hours poring over the section of the encyclopaedia that dealt with native costumes, admiring the bright silks of Asia, the lace of Spain, the palm fronds of the South Pacific. One of my greatest disappointments was when a girl from Zambia joined my third grade class and I found her dressed in blue jeans and a t-shirt with Wonder Woman underpants. Still, I wanted particularly to be her friend— to be the friend of anyone who came from anywhere else. The endless variation among people seemed wonderful to me. Some people were offended by feet, I’d marvel. Feet! Who would have thought!

The difference between being a child and being an adult is that when you’re a child, you never have to think about anything horrible for very long. Horrors, injustices, these roll off you like water off an otter’s fur. Things can appear to you as nothing more than curiosities—you don’t have to deal with them. They don’t confront you, forcing you to make choices, to take uncomfortable stands.

That people hold to various cultural traditions and have vastly different value systems—well, sure, you could call that magical. You could think it’s beautiful and the “spice of life” and the very thing that makes the world “interesting.” And this is quite true- if you’re talking about aesthetics; food, manners and language. However, the idea that there is nothing intrinsically human in people —in terms of values—is slightly alarming. Maybe even more than slightly so. Maybe it’s the worst thing in the world.

“What sets worlds in motion is the interplay of differences, their attractions and repulsions. Life is plurality, death is uniformity. By suppressing differences and peculiarities, by eliminating different civilizations and cultures, progress weakens life and favours death. The ideal of a single civilization for everyone, implicit in the cult of progress and technique, impoverishes and mutilates us. Every view of the world that becomes extinct, every culture that disappears, diminishes a possibility of life.” ~Octavio Paz

Not too long ago, I came upon an article in a newspaper about a young woman of a lower-caste family somewhere in the Indian subcontinent. She was the first in her family to receive an education, and as such, was the pride of her parents. The men of another family in the same village, unhappy that one of the young woman’s brothers was interested in their sister, decided to bring “shame” upon the entire family by kidnapping the educated young woman and raping her. After this news came to light, the school, which had recently offered the woman employment as a teacher, revoked their offer. They did not want to be “tainted” by association with this “scandal.” I read the article several times over, just to make sure I understood, because I couldn’t understand. How is it possible that people can think that by acting in a dishonourable, criminal way they are bringing “shame” on another person? Weren’t they, in fact, bringing shame only upon themselves? Although I am familiar with this idea and have heard many, many stories of this kind, they never fail to shock me a little. How is it possible for people—human surely, in their DNA, just like me—to look at the same set of facts and reach such different conclusions?

My thirteen-year-old mind thrilled a little at this new idea, the possibility of pluralism, the way there could be so many answers to the same question, endless facets to the same bit of cut crystal. She would hold that crystal to the sun and turn it this way and that, endlessly exploring and exclaiming aloud at the wonders revealed. My thirty-five year-old mind though, feels tired and a little sick at how people are, at how wrong the world is. Let me put it this way: Maybe sometimes there are some possibilities of life that should disappear—and quickly (don’t spare the horses)—without weeping or violins playing. Not everything is valuable or worth preserving just because it happens to be a part of someone’s culture. “Difference” if that difference includes violence or cannibalism is not wonderful or interesting. It is pain. It is a prison. It isn’t what we were created for.

LIKE IT OR not, we live within culture the way we live within the atmosphere. It holds you to the ground, allowing you to breathe and live. It is easy, of course, for me to cast a critical eye on the villagers of the sub-Indian continent for their sexist and unjust ways because they are floating in another bubble, one perfectly designed for pricking by just the sort of sharp instrument I hold in my hand. They could probably make pointed observations about the culture in which I live and breathe—observations that pass lightly over my head, barely brushing my brow. Like those annoying and almost invisible black gnats, you know they’re there, but you can’t quite grasp them, let alone find an adequate way of dealing with their presence. You wave a hand in front of your face, half-heartedly. You go about your business. This is how we humans survive.

Thinking too much and looking too hard hurts. It’s easier to keep moving. What, after all, does God expect from us? How can we be anything more than what we are?

I WAS CURIOUS about how The Peace Child ended, so I Googled it on the Internet. Turns out the Richardsons finally found a way to get through to the Sawi—a concept within their culture that gelled with the reality of Jesus. This was the idea of the Peace Child—the only guarantee that all Sawi would honour. It was the exchange of infants between villages. While any other form of murder was sanctioned, the killing of a peace child was not. Peace reigned as long as the peace child lived. Richardson used this idea—that Jesus is the peace child who will live forever, establishing eternal harmony among people—to get through to this tribe of people. Many of them became Christians as a result. Probably they started wearing ties and singing Amazing Grace, but none of that matters. What matters is that even in this depraved, upside-down culture there remained the essence of an idea that led to Jesus. And that, along with DNA, is what makes us human—this tangible link we all have with God.

It is okay for us to be different—in fact, more than okay, it’s the way it is. We are different, whether we like it or not—but we are not called to complacency. Jesus offers us true freedom from everything that might keep us from being the people we were created to be. This includes aspects of our various cultures that are not right. Socrates famously remarked that the “unexamined life is not worth living.” We all come to Christianity with our own cultures and viewpoints, our own way of seeing the world, but none of that excuses us from the task of trying to see the world as Jesus does. The mixture of beauty and ugliness that the world offers swirls around us like a colourful tornado and we stand still in the midst of it all. I will not be blown off my feet, we say, and close our eyes.

The youth week of prayer 2008 fourth story

4. Walking the Walk
Teaching all over the land

Matthew 15; John 4
Joanna Poddar is a high school science teacher. She likes reading books, Gary Larson cartoons and being right. She is also a big fan of praying and feels we should all do it more.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that children in the company of their friends – and teenagers in particular – will fear, or will actually be embarrassed by their parents. Put a group of teenagers from almost anywhere in the world into the same room, send in one of their parents and watch to see who cringes.

As a teenager, I was no different. It didn’t matter that in reality my parents were very normal and well-respected people, I would still feel awkward. My father could be especially embarrassing, partly because he was very different from me. My father is one of those outgoing people who can strike up a conversation with anyone – from the checkout girl at ASDA; to an old man walking his dog; to random strangers on a plane.

The aeroplane situation I found particularly awkward because on a plane there’s nowhere to hide. My father would be helping some woman to put her luggage into the overhead lockers and would start talking with her. “Are you on holiday? Who are you visiting? Is this your first time?” etc. which turned into “Where are you family from? What do you do?” to even more personal questions, while I hunkered down in my seat doing my best to ignore what was going on next to me.

Worst of all were the times when the conversation turned to religion. My father has no compunction about sharing his beliefs. He’d get up to take his Bible out of his bag and starting pointing out Scriptural references to support what he was saying – on the plane! While everyone else was watching the in flight movie or dozing under their blue plane blankets, my father would be sharing the gospel.

Jesus was travelling with his disciples through Samaria, near the town of Sychar. He’d been with his disciples, baptising and teaching, near the Jordan River and was on his way back to Galilee. Most Jews would have taken the long way round, avoiding Samaria, doubling the length of their journey. Even taking the direct route, such a journey would have taken three days. It was a tough walk – the path twisted and turned through the mountains, and it was not only the landscape that was hostile. As they near Sychar, the disciples went into town to buy food, temporarily putting aside their prejudices out of sheer necessity. Jesus, tired, sat down to rest by Jacob’s well.

It is here that Jesus has a shocking, unconventional, even embarrassing encounter with a Samaritan woman who comes to draw water. Sitting in the shade of the well, sheltering from the heat of the day, Jesus asks the woman “Will you give me a drink?”1 The Samaritan woman is startled – Jewish men did not initiate conversations with women in publicnot even with their own wives, let alone a despised Samaritan! Furthermore, Jews would not touch or drink from a cup that an ‘unclean’ Samaritan had touched. How could this man make such a request of her?

Throughout their conversation, Jesus constantly surprises the woman with his answers. He is not like anyone she has ever met. He doesn’t conform to the attitudes or hold beliefs that she is familiar with. When she mentions the ‘Mount Gerizim vs. Jerusalem’ issue2, a hot topic of debate among Samaritans and Jews, he tells her the place of worship is not important, but that “true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth.” 3 He appears to know intimate details of her life and yet is not judgmental. He doesn’t make any accusations; he doesn’t look down on her.

She has never had a conversation like this before and cannot fully take it in. She says, “I know the Messiah is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” And then Jesus drops the bombshell, “I who speak to you am he.” 4

It is at this dramatic point that the disciples return. John says that while they “were surprised to find him talking with a woman” … “no one asked, “What do you want?” or “Why are you talking with her?”” 5 Yet, surely this was what they were thinking. They must have glanced at each other and raised eyebrows. Inwardly, perhaps, they cringed at yet another social faux pas from Jesus. Honestly, you couldn’t take him anywhere. What kind of reputation would he acquire if people heard about this?

How often do we have a similar reaction to that of the disciples? When it comes to sharing the gospel, is our initial reaction embarrassment? Do we limit ourselves to associating with ‘acceptable’ people because we are unwilling to break with social convention? Are there certain groups of people to whom you would not witness out of fear, prejudice or discomfort? What are your priorities – telling people the good news or your own well-being? Do we seek our own comfort, to fulfil our own needs (like the disciples, focused on finding food for Jesus) or the spiritual nourishment of others?

Most of the societies we live in today promote a ‘me first’ attitude – my rights, my happiness, my way. Such attitudes (can) lead to false pride and subtle prejudices which persist despite the prevailing trend toward political correctness. These prejudices are found everywhere, from reality TV shows; to the government and church organizations – sometimes veiled, other times overt. We can get so caught-up in condemning them that we lose sight of more pressing concerns. Like the Pharisees, so determined to follow the letter of the law to keep themselves and others from becoming unclean6 that they refused to associate with ‘unclean’ Samaritans or Gentiles. The Pharisees were quick to judge, to focus on sin rather than sinners, and to uphold traditions rather than the principles behind them.

Do we share such attitudes? Does our practice of certain customs prevent us from reaching people? By judging people on their choice of music or dress, do we fall prey to prejudice? In our attempts to stay ‘clean’ do we lose touch with the needs of people around us?

Jesus highlights such thinking in his encounter with the Canaanite woman. By showing the typical male Jewish response to a heathen woman’s plea, he exposes the pride and prejudice held by the disciples. 7 Jews considered themselves chosen of God and the sole beneficiaries of salvation. They could not comprehend extending such privileges to other, less worthy nations.

Jesus says to the woman, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel. It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs.” 8 To our sensitive ears, such language from Jesu may appear appalling. Yet, the disciples remained unfazed and indifferent. Furthermore, they were annoyed at the persistence of the woman and asked Jesus to send her away Do we allow annoyances to blind us to the needs of others? Do we only help when it is convenient for us to do so?

What is most striking about this story is the woman’s response. She is undaunted by Jesus’ apparent scorn. She has come to Jesus out of desperation, with no other alternatives. She is willing to take whatever he has to give. “She begs for the crumbs that fall from the Master’s table. If she may have the privilege of a dog, she is willing to be regarded as a dog. She has no national or religious prejudice or pride to influence her course, and she immediately acknowledges Jesus as the Redeemer, and as the One able to do all that she asks of Him.” 9 So great is her faith that Jesus instantly, willingly, lovingly grants her request.

How often do we encounter people who are desperate for something more –people who are in need of friendship, or comfort; people with pressing physical and financial needs? How often are we put off from ‘witnessing’ because people seem unreceptive and indifferent to what we have to offer, because what we offer is not meeting their needs? We take part in activities such as delivering leaflets or attending outreach programmes to which we haven’t invited our peers and assume we are doing our part to evangelise. Or, we content ourselves with financially supporting charities or church projects, and then wonder why these efforts do not seem to bear fruit.

“Everywhere there is a tendency to substitute the work of organizations for individual effort. Human wisdom tends to consolidation, to centralization, to the building up of great churches and institutions. Multitudes leave to institutions and organizations the work of benevolence; they excuse themselves from contact with the world and their hearts grow cold. They become selfabsorbed and un-impressible. Love for God and man dies out of the soul. Christ commits to His followers an individual work, a work that cannot be done by proxy. Ministry to the sick and the poor, the giving of the gospel to the lost, is not to be left to committees or organized charities. Individual responsibility, individual effort, personal sacrifice, is the requirement of the gospel.” 10

These are noble ideals, but how can we actually achieve them? How do we go about “giving the gospel to the lost”? To start, we can look at the example of Jesus. From reading the gospels, it is clear that Jesus was in touch with the common people. He was one of them; he worked with them, he ate with them, he lived among them. So should we immerse ourselves in our communities and get to know the people in our immediate environment. Jesus was always accessible, whether to mothers with their little children, outcast lepers, royal officials or Romans. He would talk to anybody, whether it was a religious leader who came at night or a foreign woman in the heat of the day. So should we be able to talk to all people in any situation – in the school playground, in the queue at the post office, at the hairdresser’s, or on a plane.

Jesus was sensitive to the individual needs of people. He used different approaches in different situations. The four thousand hungry people needed bread as much as words. The royal official’s son was healed so that his entire household believed. The Canaanite woman had her faith tested and was rewarded. The woman at the well had a conversation that changed her life. Wherever Jesus went, whoever he met, he took every opportunity to interact with people, not making demands or laying down rules. He didn’t condemn, but met people on their own level. He was attuned to their longings, their thirst, their emptiness and he was able to offer them living water, which would “become in [them] a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 11

But following Jesus’ example in witnessing is not always easy. After all, he lived in a different time and place. He had a perfect relationship with God. How can we, as imperfect Christians, expect the same kind of results? How can we draw people to God?

Let us return to the experience of the Samaritan woman. “Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?” … Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.”” 12

When we first met this woman, she was alone at the well, collecting water in the middle of the day. Commentators suggest this was because she was a social outcast, unaccepted by the other women, who would have visited the well in the evening. She had had five husbands; as Jewish law only allowed men to divorce their wives and not the other way around, she must have suffered the pain of a broken marriage and subsequent rejection, not once but five times! If her last husband had not given her a certificate of divorce, allowing her to marry again, she may have felt compelled to live with a man who was not her husband, for the protection and financial stability it offered. This was a woman with a notorious reputation, well known to people in her town.

But when she meets Jesus, all this is forgotten in her desire to share her experience. Her testimony, simple though it is, is sufficient to convince many of the Samaritans. They believe, even before they meet Jesus, on the strength of this woman’s witness. A brief encounter with Jesus changed the Samaritan woman in ways that were obvious to all who met her. As a result of her sharing this encounter, many became believers.

Do we find it difficult to witness because we have never had a real encounter with Christ? If we have never experienced the effects of the good news, how can we share it with others? If we don’t know Jesus, how can we tell people about him?

I am a fourth generation Adventist. My grandparents, uncles, aunts and parents have spent their lives working for the church. I attended a Seventh-day Adventist school from the age of 5. I grew up well within the church, taking part, attending all the meetings, Pathfinders, AY programmes, everything. And yet, I had never had a real experience with God. During my third year at university, I realised I needed to make a decision one way or another. I had to give a relationship with God a chance, by spending time praying and reading the Bible, consistently. If this didn’t work, I’d live my life without God.

I started and waited to see what would happen and was amazed at how quickly God made himself known. In tiny but tangible ways, God showed me He was working in my life. Prayers were answered in ways that shook me and filled me with wonder. Most of all, I was surprised by the joy; a deep and underlying joy that nothing could shake, based on the knowledge that God was in control of my life. Finally, this was real, this was meaningful. Having a real experience with God may not include amazing conversions or miracles. It may not happen suddenly or dramatically, but once you have encountered God, you know it is good news – news so good, so necessary, and so powerful that you have to share it. My experience did not make for a thrilling story. It wasn’t easy to share something so personal, something that had only made an impact on my life. It didn’t seem enough to convince non-believers of God’s goodness. But I had to share it - within my group of friends and fellow believers, people who knew me, who could see the difference in my life. If you can’t share your experience with God with other believers, how do you expect to tell unbelievers?

Once you have had a real experience with God, sharing it becomes compulsory. You may not be able to convert hundreds of people; you may not even convert one, but you are planting seeds, you are allowing God to work through you and you should never underestimate the power of doing so. You may feel your experience is insignificant but “To every one work has been allotted, and no one can be a substitute for another. Each one has a mission of wonderful importance, which he cannot neglect or ignore …”12

Sharing your experience may not be easy, it may initially be embarrassing and awkward but once you are prepared to do so, you will find more and more people who are willing to listen, people who are seeking something, people who have run out of alternatives. You may feel ill-equipped or inadequate, you may feel that you are not really making much of a difference, but God will use you in surprising ways, both for your benefit and for his glory. “God could have reached His objective in saving sinners without our aid; but in order for us to develop a character like Christ’s, we must share in His work. In order to enter into His joy,-- the joy of seeing souls redeemed by His sacrifice,--we must participate in His labors for their redemption.” 14 By taking every opportunity to share the gospel as we have experienced it, we share in Christ’s mission and His joy.

References:
1John 4:7
2John 4:19 – 21
3John 4:23
4John 4:25, 26
5John 4:27
6Matthew 15:1 – 10
7Desire of Ages, p. 400.
8Matthew 15:24, 26
9Desire of Ages, p. 401.
10The Ministry of Healing, p. 147.
11John 4:14
12John 4: 28 – 30, 39
13Review and Herald, Dec. 12, 1893
14The Desire of Ages, p. 142.