Gameless

It is my third day without games.

Actually I was one night (I mean yesterday) thinking already to install Civ III again and denay it for Derek. But I felt really bad after the tought. It is so sad how weak I can be. It is so hard to give up with pointless things and start doing something useful. Something what has meaning. I. e. to think out a project for street people to get them back into normal life, or translate biblestudy materjal for children, or excercise or whatever else.

Actually I made exercises! 15 sit-ups on the morning. And then the same for my back and then some lifts for my legs! It was even second time already. First was about 3 days before it. Now I just have to try to keep it every morning ;)

I have to make a list from stuff what are important and with point in my life. What could I do beside playing games and watching TV. How can I change my life more active.

I will do that tomorrow!

Savisaar and Savisaar?

Savisaar ??? My cousin

Lately!

I was washing a hospital room floor today. A patient sat on the edge of her bed and watched at me dragging a wet mopp over the floor.

"Are they good?" asked she.

Hmm, are they? I am effective to wet floor with that yeah. They are also easy to rip off for washing and attach later again. So yeah, they are good for me. But are they good for cleaning the floor? I really doubt in it. You take a rag just and schlep it on the floor outspreading the dirt.

I nodded.

"They came lately. They are advertizing them now everywhere."

That's a mopp. At least it is called so in estonian. I have known this since I had to start wash floors. It means about 15 years already. 15 years! And for her it is lately?!

Finally a good decison in my life

I uninstalled and delited all my games.

Yes, I did it.

I am gameless.

And yes, I am not feeling very good because of that what doesn't mean anything more than just - I am an addict. I am admitting it. And I made firts step to get rid of my addiction - I did deleted all games from my notebook. I cleaned my life from pointless, useless and timewasting things!!

I DO HAVE A LIFE NOW!

That I could fill it with new pointles, useless and timewasting things . . .

Fight

You are the biggest enemy of yourself. And the hardest one. Esoecially when you feel that you have been an emotional victim because of some close person of you. Everyone knows that fellowmen can hurt you the most and it is really difficult to forgive. The victim has been you! So forgiving will be really big victory. Victory what only you do understand and value. Noone else will understand it.

As you do for your friend, your friend will do for you. Common knowledge. So if you hurt someone or betray his/her trust you can't wait your friend will smile at you and just forgives. It is not human nature. But now . . . what should do now real christian? Even thinking on that stabs painfully in my heart. As a christian, I should not think on myself but on others. And it is still so hard. Even if I think that everything you do you do for God. But God would not hurt me or betray my trust!!!

Sixty two . . .

Writting 9 points from 20
Listening 11.875 points from 20
Reading 13 points from 20
Structure of language 9 points from 20
Verbal part 19 points from 20

So . . . What else I can say now . . . Complain? Pftttt! I could complain if i did see lots of trouble with studing. You can't wait for better result if you have opened books just night before exams. Well . . . but I do hope it is enough for me to get into the college as a midwife. So . . . I can say I AM DONE WELL!!! (but I could do better and it is bothering me.)

I don't want to complain but I am still sick of waiting results of my english exam. How long is possible to check 15 works? Yeah, waiting is not easy thing to do :(

I am so lazy. Althought I didn't study much before exam I still had energy to think on that I have to study. Now I just exist. Just a thought that I have to do something useful is draining me off. And I really do think that computer's games are from satan. They are boring and still take your time (what I could use just for sleep because it is also USEFULL doing) and I really feel mayself bad that I let it go still so. Althought I would like to put down a promise since today I wont do that but it would make me feel more bad because I do know that I wont keep it. :'(

Ah, but I can try!! I will constitute my own little organization for ppl who wants to get rid off their laziness and start doing something useful for theirselves and for others. Good good! I have already idea what to do! Now I just need to think out a name for it and then I can think on. Hmm . . . or I just go to sleep now.

School is far away . . .